DreaBaby!

hello. i have moved. just like my writer has.

2009-09-16T20:37:00.002+08:00

www.dreafaminlondon.blogspot.com

see you there!

till my next far more descript post...

2009-06-30T01:04:00.005+08:00

much has happened.
to have forged many new friendships...
to have found love...
to have confirmed a path i want to take in life...

i cannot be made to write unless i feel the urge to. thus the tit bit.

of realising that i shouldnt stand for compromises...

2009-05-21T00:51:00.002+08:00

because the general public and friends and foes alike read this blog, pay no heed that this entry is going to be as cryptic as imaginably possible...

/
/
/

i'm very glad that i've waited this one out.
that i've realised that friendships are far more important than relationships.
that i am aware of my self consciousness towards remaining friends with my ex's and therefore being mature enough, no, clever enough to outsmart myself by reminding myself of the importance of keeping things real.
(daymn... too many "enough's" and "myself's" in that line...)
i've earned so much in the past 2 odd months of hanging out with them that i'd never jeapordize any of that for the world. never.
there shall be a void when i leave for london. but i am in the market of practising the art of Living in the Here and Now.
tomorrow is another day.

/
/
/

a couple of nice/interesting/hmmm sites:
http://nirrimiphotography.carbonmade.com/
http://www.hellohand.co.uk/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/mina_milk/sets/72157606472528145/
http://www.zapbookseries.es/

can one ever suffer from too much fun?

2009-05-06T00:19:00.004+08:00

*raises hand*
everyday feels like a journey down a fantasy island black hole slide -exciting and exhilarating.

/
today was spent rather productively i must concede. ((:
>mom's been advising that i read.
just read, period.
read to improve my grammar.
read to improve my sentence structuring.
read to find out about the arts scene.
read to research museums.
read read read read read...

/
a mild attempt at making that happen today saw me trooping down to the national library armed with the lovable nick's -Nick and T.
after borrowing two promising books - understanding international art markets and management & The sound on the page -style and voice in writing, we perched at Shaw Tower's starbucks and delved into our books and notes, me and nick respectively.
brain drained and numbed a good 3 hours later, nick participated in some retail therapy as i undertook the role of stylist, fashion adviser and quality controller. teeehee.
if ever given the opportunity to merchandise for a men's department, i'm sooo there.

♥

of daily enjoyments..soul searching.. and living without regrets...

2009-05-02T01:22:00.003+08:00

so you guys know i've been rolling with a new group.
they are oh such great fun!!!
note: when i say 'new group' i dont mean i've ditched the last one... because i've never had one to begin with!
let me Further explain: i've never had a group of people, who i've grown up with. who've stayed around my estate and gone to the same school, same church, done silly things with after school, met up with at 'the corner coffee shop' etc...

by a twisted turn of events, ie, nick commenting on my mambo pictures that he liked mambo too and didnt have a resident group to go with, and my inviting him to join lish and i at our next mambo, which turned into him and i clubbing together a bit, my attending ash wed at Saint Mary of The Angels (SMOTA) and then hanging out with them every day since ash wed..., i rekindled a friendship with a childhood friend who i knew 7 odd years ago but never really got to know.

let me put things into context for you guys:
basically i use to stay in clementi and went to school in CHIJ TP and attended mass at St Ignatius.
clementi - toa payoh
clementi - bukit timah

then it was yew tee to TP and yew tee to St Ignatius
yew tee - tampines
yew tee - bukit timah

/
i've never once had that kampung feel.
/staying around church where your church friends also stay. who coincidentally happen to go to the same school as you which is located just around the corner from home.

to sum up a long emotional sensation:
hanging out with this new group of friends has at times made me feel that i had a deprived childhood. that i was robbed of the sensation of growing up with a group of people who came close to feeling as tight as a family.
it made me ponder my own childhood.
basically, i grew up sheltered.
there is no other less disgraceful way to say it. i say sheltered because i've never been exposed to things. not that i craved to be exposed to it when i was younger. so i guess i cant say i was deprived. you cant be deprived of something you didnt know you might have wanted.
i'm just faced with myself thinking, 'omg! so fun!' or 'how Awesome!' every time i hear them recount stories of what they use to do.. the things the played, the places they visited and hanged out at...
where was i when things like this was happening?
and what makes it worse is that, these are the people, the things that i Could have been doing With them because i stay in this area!!!

and then recently nick asked whether or not i regretted getting to know the group.
no. never! i'm having such a ball of a time!
but he questioned whether it was worth it. my constantly coming head to head with my folks who disaprove of my every night late-nights. ; paps one night being awake as i came home from supper saying that what i was doing was abnormal. that he questions my ability to stay focused when in london...
the answer remains the same. i have not and do not regret ever getting to know you guys, choosing to meet up for suppers or late night movies, or anything that involves the possibility of my parents not liking it. because the spontaneousness of the group is something too appealing. it appeals to the inner drea. the one that i might have been if the circumstances were different.

BUT!: this is me bringing everyone up to speed.
i disapprove that i am constantly someone who lives dwelling the past... *sigh*

anyways.
Fast forward to today, at this present moment.

I am putting up the second of maybe.. 3 or 4 albums of today's labour day activites.
i am Burning. my skin is radiating heat through every pore. i am oh so sleepy! but i seem to insist putting the pictures up anyway. haha.
today has been a fun filled power packed day.
long, sunny and filling it's turned out to be ((:

nightnight.

2009-04-14T13:02:00.001+08:00

it's humid.
i'm sticky.
i just woke up from a weird dreamed nap. really left me disoriented. mid morning naps normally do.
i'm not at all focused on the mountain of work in front of me! ):

the worlds mysteries of a woman can be solved...

2009-04-14T09:09:00.003+08:00

if only everyone were aware when it was that they were having their period.

.
.
.

waking up this morning to sore boobs was the clear indicator of what's waiting for me around that corner...
it also explains why i've been ever so emo of late.
constantly reflecting on the past few weeks of fun and mayhem.. and feeling a pang of misery at the thought of leaving all of this behind for london, which i know will present me with a great amount of fun too.. except you know la ha?... it's the anxiety of the unknown..

so after the past few weeks of running about helter skelter with the SMOTA (saint mary of the angel) folks, it's come time to apply some pressure on work.
what awaits me are:

4 x scholarship application essays
many x worksheet print outs for a kid whom i'll be teaching tuition to

and then when i've made Some headway with the above,

1 x vietnam visa

2009-04-12T00:10:00.004+08:00

-impromptu jb jaunts (foot/back [and should he have been massaging my bum?] massage + gastronomic meal included)...
-late night movies +++
-rail mall drive throughs...
-club hopping...
-numerous numerous meals any and every time of the day...

sigh, you saint mary's lot are such a great introduction to the monotony of my days!

i just got back from jb.
it's such an amazing sensation to have friends living sooo close by.
i'm not sure if you read my entry on my sad childhood - growing up without friends who were my neighbours. heh. but hasn't that all since changed!
to think i've kinda always known you guys (nick) for ages (~7 yrs? for real? omg!) but never really hanged out with you'll till recently. and what a surge of outings it's been! (:
i suppose back then we both had different priorities.
no, really, the only reason would be due to relationships. it makes one cookoo. haha
anyways.. that's all in the past. and i'm far too lazy to recount that long drawn story now...
i just want to say, i am so happy to have gotten to know you lot so much better!
thanks for the million laughs per minute boys!

1 thing scary...

2009-04-11T00:32:00.005+08:00

my biggest weakness would be that i unknowingly did something to offend someone.
it eats away at me...
claws away at me...
it is a nagging sensation in the pit of my stomach...
a tightening sensation around my brain...

*shrug*

when i got home after the movie tonight,
mommy met my presence with this:
'these unannounced outings... i've got to talk to you about'
-silence-
and then it Remains silent for.. an uncomfortable amount of time before i say..
'hmm okay..' and start to inch out of the room.

in unrelated news:
MY BESTEST FRIEND IN THE WWW (WHOLE WIDE WORLD) IS COMING BACK IN JUNE!!!!

2009-04-10T14:48:00.004+08:00

NEXT WEEK IS MAJOR WORK WEEK
PLS PPLE< DO NOT JIO ME FOR ANYTHING!
YOU KNOW I AM AN EASY PUSH OH-VER!

2009-04-10T14:28:00.003+08:00

i suppose i am feeling a pinch of guilt.
when mommy starts talking about the mass timings at st ignatius and goes on about what time we ought to be leaving from here.. who we're picking up along the way blahblahblah... i only have a one lined answer to her barrage, 'oh.. uh, i'm going to saint mary's...'

to put oneself in their parents position.. whilst i understand that parents would want nothing more than to celebrate mass together as a family, they ought to take solace in knowing that their children are At Least going to mass to begin with.
it could be worse.

but anyways. this was just a random ramble. heh.

2009-04-03T17:05:00.004+08:00

i got stalked at shen siong last night.
i tried to make myself think it was flattering.

i ended up more piss scared than before.

2009-04-03T02:36:00.003+08:00

I
am
not
enjoying
being

till
the
wee
hours
in
the
morning
on
non
clubbing
nights
.

2009-04-02T01:51:00.005+08:00

I LOVE YOU!
FIVE (N) TWO!

.
.
.

i'm only 2/3rds through with uploading the recent spate of cam-whore-mazing shots.
/
alas another one of us is turning the hands of time and ushering in her birthday - 22nd (happy bird-day soggy!)
this year has been inundated with numerous meet-ups with my darling 5N girls.
tng voiced what i reckon most of us are feeling:
>we're meeting up more this year than we ever did during our time in poly.
i'm not going to waste the time wondering why that is, because it's such a great thing!, and i cant be fucked to steer my energy away from the yet-to-come numerous-more meet-ups!

whee tantilisingly exciting! (:

unfortunately, my dear girlfriends have sworn me to ensure i make our constant meet-up albums private on facebook. and because i nearly always never put up pictures, you dear folks shall never get to see them.

but i'll aid you in painting a picture in your mind.
the night was:

[1] 9 x chij tp 5N2 girls (who cant care about any other class present in the school because between you and us, we were the only class around)
[2] 3/9 x chij tp 5N2 girls have voices louder than mine. so including me would make it
4/9 x chij tp 5N2 girls.
[3] 1 x new new new Spanking new canon ixus camera
[4] 1 x very eager chij 5N2 owner of camera -girl
[5] 180 x shots frechly uploaded

ode to the man who leaves me awe struck and jaw dropped.

2009-03-31T23:37:00.009+08:00

.
.
.

[part 1]
to notice is to admire

The other day was the first time in a loooong time that i visited SAM.
i didnt feel it then, but when i think back to it now, a strange sort of far away feeling comes over me.
/
i visited the museum a lot during the 'dark period' of my poly life. but it's not that i feel a strange discomfort right now. rather, i feel satisfied that i finally got my tush out of the house to visit him (whilst i'm fairly certain SAM is genderless [rare for me to admit to objects being genderless... i normally feel a strong pull towards objects being either male or female], SAM as a name and the building has such a masculine feel to it...). haha
-
okay sorry... i kinda get engrossed with talking so much, explaining so much... that i never do get to the point.
-
anyways, what i wanted to say was, i enjoyed the trip thoroughly!
haha! i'd bet that was quite an anti climax...
/
whilst i use to shun visiting museums with people for fear that their opinions and views would shroud my own, i reckon i've found a good companion to museum hop with this time around!
Prrrrr-eeeee-senting.. (Over on the right side of the ring...) Miss-ter, Clarence Aw!
he's quite the Ying to my Yang... (but i want to be Ying... so yeh...).
He's a little too straight forward for my easily bruised sensitivity BUT quite a breath of fresh air.

;

Seldom one to talk much, but when he does, his words are razor sharp tipped and concise beyond worldly imaginable.
i really admire his way with words because every word, every sentence structured is so...weighted. as though, his mind races within that millisecond to form the perfect word / series of words to describe something / person / situation.
talking to / with him can be a struggle though.
only because he is probably the only person i know who can silence me with a single word.
if that isn't an innate skill, i dont know What is.

it's not that conversations are stunted. it's not that he intentionally chooses to dead-end our badinage. it's just that sometimes, he summarizes things so tightly that, really, there is Nothing more for me to add! it's unquestionably impressive my friends.

okay but back to the museum visit... (haha! i hear you going, 'zzz. omg! what a bloody backside long intro!' Look! we all jive differently okay? clarence the simplistic and drea the convoluted.. haha)
it was interesting the way we viewed the exhibits.
normally i would be thrown off by people saying things like, 'what do you interpret from this?', because i would feel suddenly vulnerable.
suddenly naked and without clothing that is a valid answer.
but this time, i felt firm about my realisation which was this:
>whilst clarence is one who is focused on the final outcome of things, the finished work, the magnum opus, i am more concerned and attentive toward the process work. so much so that i've not spent time at all, wondering about what the artist is trying to tell me.
i ought to, i know. but it's not that i intentionally choose not to. it's just that i first take time to notice it's itsy bitsy details.
Clarence, i admire the way you choose to deliver yourself. whether it is your relation to people or pieces of work or down to your own projects.
*takes hat off*

/
/
/

[part 2]
to be impressed by the common people

i'd like to put it down to my being more mature> that i no longer look at everyone as an indirect form of competition.

] i dont look at a friend and think 'shits, i should / ought to have set up an online business too. she's so damned visionary.'
] i dont look at a friend and think 'damn i should / ought to be as focused and motivated as he/she is.'
] i dont look at some random person who happens to be +/- 1-5 yrs my age and think 'damn, i should / ought to be writing / doing that type of article / thing.'

no.
i've come to terms with the reality that, if i put myself out there enough, if i challenged myself to be as vulnerable as these people have been, i'd have all that they have under my belt too.
and i'm not beating myself up over it either. it's a matter of fact that whilst yes, if i wanted it, i could have achieve it, it's obvious i've not wanted it as Much as others have, for there has been no hunger to attain.
an engine without oil is just no way to drive!

but i am caught on a phrase that a dear friend of mine said recently:
'He creates opportunities for himself!'

now That, is a line+meaning behind it, that i'm stuck on!

rants and raves.

2009-03-27T00:00:00.002+08:00

rant 1.
my feet are killing the shit out of me as they're finally flat after walking nearly 10 hrs nonstop in 4inch heels.

rant 2.
i'd hate to think that people are trying to buy friendships.
when you've lived all your life without a real solid group of friends, i find it pathetic to pull out all the stops to try and win some over.
of course, i could be sickeningly misguided.

rave 1.
i'm Psyched about reading my new book bought.

rave 2.
i do quite enjoy meeting up with old friends.
angelina, keifer, clarence, clarence, mark, foong, vani, jennifer, wilson, harvey, irene...
no more climbing into a pit whenever anyone suggests meeting old friends. after all, i've nothing to hide anymore (:

something brilliant has happened...

2009-03-26T23:08:00.002+08:00

a break through has happened for me, and i am brimming with enthusiasm in wanting to share this joyous revelation.

/
tonight was the official opening of the diploma show at my alma mater.
(i cant believe it's been a year!)
i felt the familiar sense of nervous tension within me on going back to the school.
the all familiar fear of some one / ones, bringing up again the fact that i have put on some weight. (i am far too lazy to recount history of problems again)
and true to form, some did. but oh wow!, something just melted within me today and i feel so... released... renewed and rebirthed!
instead of feeling really, really, really down and out about it... you know that sensation that wells up within you. that warm feeling -one of embarrassment and shame and a sense of utter helplessness?
somehow, in its place, was this feeling of, satisfaction!

i know my body.
i know the shape and size my original body template is meant to look like.
i am fit. i am healthy -i have probably skipped the gym a grand total of 17 days since returning home in november of last yr. but more importantly, i am Happy. and to suddenly realise that i was feeling this way in place of the former dooming feeling, was such a revelation! i felt so victorious!

i cannot emphasise more how much a break through this is for me. i just cant.
i am so happy.

some farker...

2009-03-25T09:58:00.002+08:00

rang up blisteringly early this morning.
at first i wanted to let it run off the hook...
but being the civil sort that i am, i groaned, rolled to my side and got up to retrieve it.
i pick up, Hello?... HELLO??
there was the faint sound of background typing... so either so bloodyclot person unknowingly called or... i cant be bothered to think up another possibility.

i am upset ):

sigh... ):

2009-03-23T00:18:00.005+08:00

once again...
i turn to the WWW to keep me company till my brain decides to echo less the contents of its over activity.

it would seem that if not my emotions then these headaches are my Achilles' heel.
a recent spate of them have left me rolling and moaning whilst tight as a ball on my bed for the past 3 days.
to emphasize the severity of their head grip, i cannot fathom leaving the house nor can i spare a thought on food because thinking of it makes me feel like throwing up.
for a while i feared the worse -immaculate conception, but later when my sister and i put our realist thinking hats on, dissected the situation and reckoned my period might be on its way.
oh the bane of being a woman...

completely random.. i think naming children after countries is somewhat quaint.
London
India
Paris (i refer to the Paris from Homer's Iliad)
Among other girl names that i like...
Tahlia. such a pretty name no?

not that these should come in handy, for i want boys. haha

of utt, j-dawg, a petrol kiosk, a 4 try-parallel parking and a 4 lane bypass

2009-03-19T10:33:00.002+08:00

i suppose there's no excuse for not penning down this long post about the night that LIVE & LOADED ep 8 was filmed.

;
the evening started with the arrangement to meet at Novena Square at 5.45pm
i got out of the lift on the first floor and was intending to occupying myself by browsing through the stores when i heard the all familiar, 'ANDREA FAM!'
[how i do love when nat calls me by my full name. haha]
through the crowd i spot nat's familiar oriental eyes laced with thick (constantly) smudge-free eye liner.
btw, i'm impressed by how On the Dot you were babe! took me by surprise! haha

typically, we discussed where the others could possibly be.
dreaLek was in the building and Tng was *gasp* not even sure she could join us!
on hearing that, i passed the phone round for everyone to TEH at her to guilt trip her into coming.
it worked, somehow. because the next thing i hear Lek say is that Tng's on her way down via cab. haha. oh the powers of the almighty whine!

eventually we pile into the Fam-mobile to roll round for tng.
NOT BEFORE WE LOOP ROUND AND ROUND the novena/balestier area because it would seem that the roads were either Turn left Only roads OR the bloody U-turn was 4 busy busy busy uncrossable lanes away.

[omg... i am NOT focusing... this entry is going to take hours to complete man...]

finally. we rock up to the car park gantry at Media Corp.
the cop on duty there says that i have to pop the boot to let him check it.
omg. what do i do?
i pop the bonnet. Champion ah me.
between nat and drea's hyena hysterical laughing and the cops snigger, i was about praying for the ground to open up and swallow me whole.

[nothing happens for the next... 1 hours]
basically, we were told to be there to pick up the tickets at 6.45.
amusingly enough, when i get to the counter, sms confirmation and ID all ready for verification, the lady says, '987?, how many tickets did they say they were giving you? they didnt leave the list here.' -another champion. i was beginning to feel right at home...

our unintimidated group of 4 stood leaning against a wall looking all angsty-like whilst we noticed the various supporting groups eyeing each other quizzically. hah. people watching is such an interesting spectacle.

after about an hours wait worth of shifting the weight of ones body from one foot to the other, we're finally allowed to proceed. where? into the media car park.
-.-
k, but at least we were progressing. Somewhere!

Finally, we arrive at Studio 1.
lek is fascinated by the lighting and production equipment.
one of us mentions how tiny the place really is.
all of us are herded as deep in as possible by this dude who oozes np FMS in every word he lets loose.

the 4 of us, in TYPICAL gorgeous' (for the uninitiated. gorgeous' is something that our CHIJ N-stream class adopted throughout the remaining few yrs at school) fashion moved to the corner nearest the stage. somwhat excited to be there yet, not wishing to let on. haha

in order of appearance
The Fire Fight
some group with an ang mo chap
Dawn Wong
Paranoid Vision
Paul Twohill
Sleeq (equipt with back up dancers and all boy! dont preyprey!)
Some band
aaaaand
Cardinal Avenue!

+ UTT!

now, because we were positioned way back, wedged into a corner, we hardly got to see him when he first entered.
and then nat jokingly said, OMG i hope he walks by us! (because we're wedged at the corner of two stages) and then truly, he does! when nat realises it was Utt's back who was walking away from us she started to wail. haha
BUT we would eventually realise she cried in vain because he would make the trek back and forth between stages many more times that night.
In fact, there was once, as he was walking back, he caught her staring jaw dropped as he approached and went, 'Hello There!'
nat's response was... ____________
hahaha
during the break, between sets, she managed to grab his attention and got her photo taken with him care of yours truly.

the commotion of UTT aside,
Cardinal Avenue wrapped up the set.
I stood where i could get a Great glipse at them (him. haha)
(alamak he's sooo cute la!)
BUT after MUCH heavy detective work by means of FB, i reckon he's younger than me.
[BOOOO!]

but i really like cardinal avenue.
i like the dynamics of their group.
their stage presence seemed to trump the rest.
they seemed modest too.. no airs.
and i like that their lead singer didnt think he Made the band.
everyone of them Seemed really timid. but their music demonstrates a loud and strong inner personality. V. nice

Curtain called at about 10pm i think? was it?
Makan time!
typically... we couldnt decide where to eat.
by a win of an inch (literally because if we'd decided otherwise, i would have had to make a sharp U-turn) we headed toward Thomsan.
as i'm driving, i tell them to keep me posted as to where to turn.
and then suddenly Lek says okay you can turn here...
momentarily stunned, i Veered into the Shell petrol kiosk.
HAHA
i mean... you said to TURN HERE WHAT Lek!
i TRUSTED YOU!
you set me up!
she meant the next turn but STILL!...
basically by this time, the three of them think i'm BLOODY useless at driving. haha
i am NOT OKAY! i drive Well!
i just need CLEAR instructions! clear and Early instructions!

okay but what comes up next really cant hide my flaws at Parking.

I eventually get to the road that Lek intended and we spot a lot.
now, i've done parallel before. i have! but parking at home is vertical so i'm sui sui at vertical!
anyways, after the third bloody try at parallel and half my car still fucking out of the lot, over Nat's calls of, 'NO YOU CANNOT PARK LIKE THIS!', i ask who else had a license because i was done with parallel. haha. tng graciously declined. sighting being out of practice.
so what happens??
you'd Think that i tried again and won right?
wrong.
we (I) just continued driving till we found another parallel lot Large enough for me to drive straight into. HAHAHA

Dinner was fish ball soup (dreafam) / noodles (Tng) and dry mee for the other two (Lek and Nat).
unsatisfied by the meal because there was no Sweet thing to cap it, we drove to Seligie for dao hui! (:

omg. the journey there was another set of wrong turns. which is NO indication of one being a bad driver.. it just means that one is unsure of which roads allow turnings etc.
All of us didnt know! and then when i finally find out that i had to cross another 5 lanes to try and make a U turn near the cross road at serangoon, i literally full locked right, and from the 5th lane, drove at a right angle to my prev position to get to the extreme right lane. haha.
sigh. good times.

i guess it made the dao hui all the more enjoyable! (:

dang it!

2009-03-19T10:15:00.004+08:00

the Life Coaches on Oprah were going on and on about the powers of positive thinking last night.
i felt immediately excited by its potential.

so last night i tried it.
thinking positive rather than negative.
the last few thoughts on my mind before i entered Dreams gates were positive! full of... HOPE!
i had a great dream! one that i swore was real.
and then i wake up to find... it wasnt ):

/
momma and pappa fam arrive home today.
not long before they're due to leave for HK tomorrow morning.
that's the life huh?

2009-03-18T19:58:00.002+08:00

there's nothing like watching Hallmarks - The Biggest Loser to feel better about yourself.
best watched over meals.

&

i am inspired by oprah.
i too want to start a Gratitude Diary.
move over Calorie Journal.

it's seriously nothing but a waiting game... always and forever.

2009-03-18T15:12:00.003+08:00

Stef once told me that her mom went for some reading thingy when she and her twin siblings were younger to find out which segment they were born in... supposedly, if you were born nearer the top of Buddha, you'll live an easy life, fulfilled, one where most things come your way.
on the flip side, if you were born nearer the feet of the Buddha, you are fated to forever serve or be subservient.
(stef, i apologise if i misused, misstated or misquoted any words or lines in the above..)

i reckon, whilst i'm not quite at the feet of Buddha, i dont hover anywhere near the high segments either.

now, that's not to say that i am ungrateful for my life thus far.
i am truly blessed. no comparisons, sarcasm or uncertainty entailed... i know that i am very lucky and fortunate.

yet (isnt there always a yet or but cowering in the shadows?), it would feel / appear that my life is one that is heavily laden with gaps. gaps which see me doing nothing but wait.
and i've analysed that it's not the sort of wait where you could argue, 'then dont wait!'
it's the type of wait that i cannot But participate in.
whether it's waiting for friends -c/o my illness of not being able to Not be early, let alone on time, let let alone be late (heaven forbid!), or waiting for documentations to be processed (here stef might understand. but i reckon the British speed of things is faaar slower than that of the US).

it's not something that's challenge-able either.
i cannot make myself be any less uncomfortable about waiting for things (person, process or otherwise).
it makes me appear to be a somewhat impatient person. and that's fine. because unless you suffer from the discomfort like i do, you would never truly understand what i mean.
i cannot explain what else this Waiting Chapter of my life consists off other than the everyday mundane obvious' and then the once in a blue moon uni application hold up... it's a very innate thing i guess [shrugs].

with all that aired like clothes hanging out of HDB blocks, i feel... so self absorbed.
it's apparent that i have far too much time on my hands to be self analysing so microscopically. haha
nothing like a verbal diarrhea to the only item (my blog) that would listen to help me realise how inward looking i've been.

k, then i have another request.
lord, give me more drive.

omg scary scary!!! ): ):

2009-03-13T08:44:00.002+08:00

i had the most horrific nightmare ever!
menreet if you're reading this....
omg. you scare the SHIT out of me!

it went like this...
i was unlocking the door to my place.
btw, you're never quite staying in your house house in your dreams.
this time, i was staying in those, new york street type places. where you walk up a half flight of stairs first before you get to a landing where your front door is. (rather SATC like -indeed. haha)
and as i'm going through the front door, miss menreet comes bounding by.
i'm not sure of the conversation that transpires but anyway, we both headed into the house.
[time passes]i dont recall any conversations exchanged whilst we're both in the house.
then suddenly, the doorbell rings.
when i'm approaching the front door, i can see through the glass (yes, utterly american-home style) to see a delivery man holding a bouquet of flowers.
when i open the door, he announces that they are for me.
and then, menreet comes by and asks if i like them.
to which i say yes, but am a bit quizzical still..
eventually it unfolds as to how we're such good friends, yet never mind the fact that i didnt attend her party, but i didnt even get her anything!
let me try to establish the mood of the conversation here.
basically, i was so guilt fraught that i was on the verge of tears.
and she just sat there. semi exasperated about the state of things.

omg! it was such a Nightmare!

):

2009-03-12T21:15:00.002+08:00

i just ripped off the pore pack from my nose.
to say i'm somewhat disappointed that it revealed no extracted black or white heads, would be an understatement.

/

today, i spent nearly 45 mins in Watsons looking through all the products that boasted the 'turn back time' elixir of youth formulae.
never one to have paid much heed to skin care, hair care or any other grooming care for that matter, i have turned 360.
it never quite concerned me that everyone thinks my sister (older than me by 4 yrs) looks younger than me... why? i'm still young!
but it's not this that's getting under my skin (pun unintentional), it's just my sudden feminine yearn to have better skin.
there are only so many times i can get away with blaming it on genetics, right?

in the past few months, i've been so easily conned into trying (thus buying) several different facial packages.
i've been for one. and the feeling is Shiok! having someone use this thing to extract all the white heads is such a satisfying sensation!

on top of turning into a pore pack addict, i'm also into moisturizing with a vengeance and hair products have started seeming very very important in my day to day total body care regime.

oh how i really hope i have boys in the future.
OR, girls who have perfect eye sight, perfect teeth and perfect complexion.

/
it'd have to be all my husbands genes then... haha

fear

2009-03-08T13:19:00.006+08:00

my biggest would be budgeting.

1 x tattoo
1 x west grand ticket
1 x jason mraz ticket
1 x coldplay ticket
1 x oasis ticket
+ numerous plays&other shows&clubbing along side

how like that??

wah' Shiok.

2009-03-07T19:31:00.002+08:00

omg.
i am really going to miss our crazy meet ups!

/
i guess it shows just how significant elie is to all our outings.
despite having had a mini-merchandiser-outing not too long ago,
it felt like ages since the three of us had our micro-mini-merchandiser-outing. hehe

/
true to form, it started with our 'by the river' yam zao + catch up session!
even though elie and i had met some 4 hours prior and had recounted every detail in our life to each other already, we still had sufficient loot to contribute to our update session with emily. heh.

we're seriously all so different.
our backgrounds. our preferences. our current lifestyles. yet its warming to know that even the most different of personalities can click in such ways!

/
of course the bulk of the conversation evolved around relationships.
elie fabulously recounting one of edens prominent antics.
how he Wah' Zai. Wah' Style. Wah' _____'s to nearly everything.
it's more elie's delivery than anything that can really blow ones tickle bone away.
and thus, the whole night's conversations were punctuated with Wah' Something's... heh

we were sufficiently high (i'm glad that most of my clubbing sessions are turning out this way. even though it jeapordizes the diet like no ones businesssssss) and i swear i had an amazing time!
so much so that i think my weird rendition of shuffles must have embarrassed the prominent elie somewhat!
eeps! sorrrrrrry pal!
elie was such a doll about making sure everyone was happy by herding us to and fro between phuture and zouk. to appease everyone.
thanks hun! (:

to sum up the night,

Wah' SHIOK!

more insane dreams...

2009-03-03T09:33:00.002+08:00

maybe watching movies before bed isn't so good.

whatever the case, i woke up with residues of last nights mind blowing headache and i am not enjoying it.

you know how you feel this heavy sensation at what you initially think is the lower part of your eyes but is really positioned just above your eyes and under your eye brows... a sort of clamping feeling. like your brain is weighing down on your eye balls.

yeh. that.

fuck you deep sighs....

2009-03-01T16:17:00.002+08:00

i hate being the sort of person who is easily influenced by others.
i hate it.
i hate it with a burning passion within my heart.

my temper when raging, is an un-tamable beast.

Cardinal Avenue
West Grand Boulevard
&
Plainsunset
...linger

okay so i lived to continue the story...

2009-02-22T10:55:00.007+08:00

something brilliant has happened.

I have been accepted into Central Saint Martins!

the butterflies havn't stopped flapping their wings since i opened to read that email yesterday afternoon.

if i stopped to think about it, the flood gates open, and millions and millions of thoughts and questions pertaining to everything about going over start to crowd my already-tiny mind.

where would i find cheap cheap art materials? (bye bye art friend! *sniff sniff*)
which is the closest fitness first to me?
is this the right visa?
when ought i leave?
scholarship?
shit i'm going to get soooo fat when i'm over there...

but of course all these thoughts are laced with excitement -anxious, nervous, excitement.
I have to stop asking questions and just live through each potential question mark and uncertainty with a spring in my step.

/the best friend leaves tomorrow.
i'm not going to cry.
i think that i'm allowing myself to realise that every moment presents new opportunities/experiences and adventures.
if i spend more than a small moment crying or wallowing in doubt, i'll be wasting many opportunities/ experiences and adventures.
to quote miss menreet, 'crying.. aiyah, waste time la...'

2009-02-18T00:44:00.004+08:00

i'm eating weeks old fridged tuna.
if i've not blogged in two weeks time, call someone round to my place.

+
a bit more satorialist & wallpaper, and i hope to enter through the gates of dream-land with a gay smile on my face.

omg...

2009-02-18T00:22:00.003+08:00

i freaking cannot sleep.
and it's SOO not even remotely funny.

this would be the 3rd straight night that i've been tired but my damned brain just cant seem to shut off its bloody loud inner voice.

have i mentioned it's not remotely funny? IT'S EXASPERATING!
):
the last thing i enjoy doing is rolling about ( now i cant even roll around on my back ) in bed trying to rock myself to sleep.

anyways.. the few thoughts on my active mind are
1. allocating time to buy prezzzzzzzies
2. buying more tops with plunging backs. haha
3. how i am sooo fucking broke but can still be thinking about shopping!
and then 4. manages to sneak in on an utterly random note -how on Earth will i ever go swimming with my folks? HAHA

i'm hungry...

a quickie...

2009-02-17T09:59:00.003+08:00

before i scoot on down to pick up my drivers liscence from the post office.

>yesterday when i was at home, alone, someone kept ringing at the door and started bellowing some crazy (to me at that point in time) words. i hesitated in opening the door because if there were visitors expected, my folks would have made mention. so i took my time with putting on some decent clothing till i realised there was no longer any one at the door. rather satisfied with that, i continued about with my own things... only to realise later when paps said 'this' was stick to the door, that it was someone delivering my driving licence by registered mail. omg. sians.. now i have to make my way down to pick it up!
lesson learnt? not everyone who dings at the door bell spouting seemingly verbal abuse is here to hack me up into itsy bitsy pieces. let alone at 10am in the morning.

my best friend is leaving soon.
it's a crazy horrible despicable revelation that i have been refraining from acknowledging.
how can one do this?
to slide back into my life... to get me emotionally tangled only to leave just when i'm emotionally submerged! -haha.. sounding so lesbian. SORRAYE. i sense my BFFFFFF's cringes now.

and where am i right now at this point?
feeling a bloody useless good for nothing rug slug.
suddenly... like the change in tides and wides of change, the thought of going overseas to study is once again majorly appealing.
all at once it would seem that the 3 main plights -the cold and my fear that i am not creative enough and the money aspect (though this part still sticks out like a sore thumb a bit) have dissolved, leaving a ray of hope and anxious excitement.
all that is left is receiving word from the st martins side on whether or not i got accepted.
meanwhile, i hope SOMEONE accepts me as an intern.
hello! freeeeee labour a-knocking here! what is Wrong with you guys?!

i Love my new tattoo. i really do.
sadly it's on my back and all i have for looking purposes is the photo i got den to take of it.

2009-02-13T08:31:00.002+08:00

i havnt gymed in two days and i feel a lazy curd for it.
):

okay fine.
technically it's just yesterday that i didnt head down. but it'd seem to have magnified itself into a full blown anxiety attack on me.

omg. i cant do this.
i've still not recovered from mambo a night ago.
i cant continue to type anything coherent.

2009-02-04T23:58:00.001+08:00

I HEART MY BEST FRIEND!

2.

2009-01-27T11:31:00.003+08:00

you have GOT to love malays.
their Chillax.. Feeeling (i'm not sure if you guys know this term -feeeeeling. it's basically something you can use for Everything. it's a divine word really. if said with the right tone and accent. and of course at the precise time. heh)

the day (second day of cny) starts with my sisters (chrissy den and myself) deciding we'd visit our eldest (and only married) sister Kat at her place.
so arrangements were made... time of meeting and meeting place etc.
we traipse up to her place only to realise!, she's not at home!
we Did inform her of our visitation plans.. but since the birth of my two precious nieces, her memory sometimes picks and chooses what to store.

so never mind! we were in quite light spirits (suspecting the weather has had large parts to play in this) and made suggestions to get chrissy a much necessary cup of coffee to help kick start her day.
we (i) drove up upper bukit timah.
because we didnt want to run the risk of circling five times round the block for a spot to park, we parked further away at the public car park.
now. i was backing into a lot and a group of malay chaps were walking past the car.
as i backed, i would open the door to check whether or not i was in the lot. and then realising i was quite out (but straight. very straight mind you (:) i forwarded, positioned more to the right and then proceeded to back.
as i put the gear into Park, i realised that the group of malay chaps had actually stopped to watch me parking. how do i know this? they proceeded to clap furiously and throw me thumbs ups when i'd turned off the engine.
omg. i felt So embarrassed.
but yet... feeeeling la. you gotta love malays -i do! (:

btw...

2009-01-27T08:57:00.004+08:00

if any one would like to borrow Revolutionary Road from me...
i have the disc.
it's quality is Kickazzz (Fantastic)
and i give the movie (bearing in mind i am an indie movie-film buff! -not that this is a spoiler or anything...) 4 outa 5 *'s

a festival-grinchs' recount...

2009-01-26T20:33:00.002+08:00

sigh... it's chines new year (again) [groan]
gawd how i Hayte festivals...
this spike in excitement days leading up to the event and then suicidal plummet of moral as the revelation that 'omg! i'm going back to work tomorrow!' sets in even before the day of the festivities is over is just Completely unnecessary.
i'm not saying that living life as an emotional plateau is acceptable either... it's just that... these nation-wide ones are omg So unbelievably overrated!

[note]i have to apologise to all friends that might happen to be red-platers.
you know i never meant You guys. i meant the rest *flails her hand at the expanse of the space around her* of them out there. sorry again!

anyways... back to CNY and all it's forced glory.
/
this morning i went for mass.
and yes, whilst i Relished the looks i got from people who havnt seen me in a looooong time (giving me the more-than-once over as they took in the teal hair, tattoos and stiletto boots); their trailing eyes spoke volumes in surround sound i tell you! half of them probably think i've been studying overseas (not making this up. the last time i went to st igs aunties came up to ask me which country i'd been studying in. when really, i'd just been attending mass at more Down to Earth churches s'all.), whilst the other half probably think i'm out on visitation pass of some mental asylum (because the demographic make up of the people who attend mass at my church is the uppity, rich and pretty girl -manicured princess type), i felt their attempt at trying to eyeball me + not go noticed because, 'i hope she doesnt see me so that i dont have to give her an ang bao' downright eeeeyer cringe worthy!

sigh.

i Absolutely needed to get out of that box.
so i hit the gym.
man i'm going to miss getting drenched in sweat every day religiously, should i pursue my studies.

;
i hope the rest of you lot are having a better CNY.
let this post not deter you from grabbing every dangling red packet placed in front of you.

Gam Bei (cheers) !

1.

2009-01-25T18:02:00.002+08:00

for all of you who held you breath in bated anxiety for the continuation of the prev post.
you can continue to wait till you go blue in the face and eventually keel over from suffocation, for it will not come.

instead, i'm going to today, talk about: my First ride out.

-

yesterday would mark my very first ride in our Mitsubishi lancer SFM12***.
it was quite funny to have mom sitting beside me and paps behind me, rather than paps in front of me and mom diagonally in front of me.
i felt this tension hanging in the air so rigid that a blunt knife would have sliced a nice sharp line through it as i positioned the mirrors and seat and then was told that i needed to have the lights on at night. Geez.

right. so off we go!
/
Woah is auto ten times more slack than manual.
absolutely no kick to it At.All!
the feeling of getting the biting point is such an automotive orgasm! automatics can Never compare!
anyways... so off we go (in an auto -hey that rhymes!).
i took them around the area.. yewtee... teckwhye...bukitgombak... all of which will sound Foreign to those who stay further than clementi (because you mountain tortoises are just too dogged lazy to get out've your comfort zones!) -i even took them on part of my test route! teehee.
then i looped back and we went for dinner.
now, after dinner is when things get interesting.
i dropped paps off because he said he was feeling a churny tummy, and mom and i continued to the petrol kiosk to get the car washed.
-
there was a queue as expected so i got in line and turned off the engine.
then as the cars moved forward, i would turn on the engine and then inch forward and then stop and turn off the engine again.
NOW, As i am about to move forward the inch that was the new gap that the car before left, this FUCK-ER drives in front of me and as he goes past 'curtiously' gestures to ask if i'm lining up for the car wash.

WTF?

first. of bloody course i'm in the line for the wash you blitheringly stchewpid cockeye!
why else would i be in this confined corner of the petrol station?
second. there is now ZERO room for me to move forward even if i was to say 'YES i'm in the queue' so who were you kidding by going past me and THEN asking if i was in the queue.
wana cut queue dont feign ignorance you ballsy red plate vermin! (red platers.. omg. the lack of car usage is starkly apparent)

but what followed was most shocking.
>
now a little titbit about my mom.
she's lost her ability to voice herself since.. well marrying my dad.
my dad's not the sort who sits nicely with suggestions or requests, so rather than invite daily brawls, my moms adopted the 'pretend to listen but really things are just washing over me' outlook to confrontations with my dad.
anyways, when she's with her girls though (kat, chris, den and myself) she reverts to her normal self. aggressive (when she wants to be), loudly opinionated etc etc etc.
and without warning, she got out of the car and banged the chaps window and asked

'What do you think you're doing?!'

i was SOOO impressed you could never believe it.
it's normally paps who makes a scene. and unnecessarily so at that.
but this time, mom really showed her might!

all this while, i was fuming within...
and as though RPF (red plate fucker)'s action was an indication that overtaking me was OHkay to do, the car Behind him thought he could do a number on me too!
the guts of these imbeciles!
to this action, i wound down my window and yelled, YES! I AM IN THE LINE!
this was paired with very forceful hand motions to show my eventually turning into the shed.
gosh!
5409 people.
buy 4D. for that was the number plate of the fucker who made my first ride out SUCH an eventful one.

good morning!

2009-01-17T06:09:00.003+08:00

i feel guilty admitting this, (but rightfully so, i'll admit it anyway...). while you're thinking, 'yippie she's blogging again!' tighten the reigns to those jiggs as unfortunately, the main reason i am typing at this present moment is because stchewpid me got up at 545 today thinking i could race down to the gym for 7ish to cover an hour of cardio before my personal training at 8am. it's only after i made my ovaltine and started to peel the skin of my banana that i realised..

knn... the clubs only open at 8am on weekends.

(waaaah laoooo)

SO, to say that this sudden surge of words will spew over on to other posts in the form of quick successive entries would be a pretencious heightening of hopes.

//

it's going to be nearly two months that i've been back on our local moist soil...
but omg it's felt like a looooong time.
maybe it's because of work.
no. it's percisely because of work.
but as i've told countless people countless times... i do love it there/here.

whilst the prospect of working less in feb ie 3-4 days a week, is very appealing... this decision stems from the fact that no place has gotten back to me about internship positions.
not too thrilled about that.

running parallel is not hearing back from st martins as yet.
basically the nearest and dearest to me would know that having things dangling, knots untied, thread fraying, loose ends are things that irk me.
this mystery of 'what happens now?' is haunting me!

i hate that i dont possess the ability of feeling comfortable being a house slug.
i just hate that the thought that i'm not... bringing anything to the table. and right now i'm not even bringing anything substantial to the table... ):

a quickie...
yesteday we celebrated missy tng tng's 22nd birthday.

twenty.2nd.

turning twenty nothing rang in my head...
turning twenty one, still nothing.
twenty two. we are twenty two this year.
and i suddenly feel the age!
maybe this feeling was compounded because of mambo recently when i went and felt.. omg. all of you look so... Young! -you fear making eye contact with someone because they could most probably be 3 years younger than you... haha

[the morning birds -you know. the ones that make the owl type of sound. the ones that could possibly Be owls but we wouldnt think that singapore was capable of containing such a seemingly ang mo bird so we never first make that guess..- yeh those haha, are sounding away. letting me know that, any thoughts of Maybe clocking in a couple hours more sleep before hitting the gym evaporated as soon as my fingers started on this post]

so as i was saying...
so really... sailing through the twenty and twentyone years with my nose in the air thinking, 'heh... feel no diff wat...' and then suddenly *Wham!* the sales come hurtling into me with the striking of the first of our '87 batch turning 22!

fuck. tobecontinued... (now i'm late for gym. haha)

2009-01-08T22:53:00.002+08:00

you have to know that i'm constantly away from the computer when i dont religiously update my blog (for we are but joined at the hip after all). i'd never intentionally withhold information from you... no. that's a lie.

soooo many things have transpired. sooooo many things, since i last wrote.
and i always feel i lack the energy to give each post due affection -so why attempt to start at all??

i promise though. i promise that once this month is over, i'll see if i cant get things up and running again.
till then...

2008-12-29T14:14:00.002+08:00

two tranny's just came into the store.
whilst they were walking around the store, i was occupied with observing how they looked.
they were really tall and really skinny.
carried themselves very delicately and were friendly and polite.
when they left, the only thing that ran through my mind was how brave and true to themselves they were.
i really admire them.

-

I tell you aaaaah... i really dont know how i might ever survive working in the real world.
my emotional side can Hardly take any hard knocks! i wonder why that is!
/
so i recently got a slightly bad-vibed email. i instantly went on the defensive. well not defensive, but effected. teared (yes. i tear.), called up the best friend (xx lish) to grumble through tears about the situation...
and now, a mere half an hour later, i'm feeling more tenacious than ever to improve my writing!
anyways, not to let the bad chi of todays happenings cloud what i wanted to say about yesterdays outing with the darlings...

*

yesterday was... oh so awesome.
truely.
unbelievably.
awesome.

for a good solid summary, go to Gracie on my blog roll.
(:

dont la... i shy...

2008-12-21T19:23:00.003+08:00

i dont quite know how i will ever get over the anxiety of people ready my articles online.

;

i have taken to taking my laptop to work (halleluja wireless@sg in paragon!) and well, i shamelessly have it open the entire time.
my colleague innocently asks me, 'you check your mail is it?'
not entirely sure whether she's indicating something along the lines of, 'you ccb.. all day on the laptop' (-no la. they'd never ever speak that way about another colleague.. we all skive in our own way after all. haha), i slid the theme toward my online articles (because the whole of last week, i really Was working on an article.. and they were super accomodating with allowing me to work on it any free moment...).
i got the designtaxi site up and directed it toward my articles and the action i witnessed was so touching!

she literally read All of it!
i mean.. no insult to her intellegence at all! even the most intellegent of us have little attention span toward certain topics thay arnt interested in...
so to see her plough through the whole thing.
her body language was as such (if i paint an imagineable picture...)
she was semi kneeling on the floor reading the computer that was perched on the stool.
her body wasnt entirely directed at the screen though because she needed to give the impression of looking out to the in coming customers..

sigh.
adorable la you Yanti (:

i feel a bit...
thick skin
talking about the articles
like they're a great achievement,
when a lot of people
have actually done the same thing.
but for me,
it Is a great achievement.
*shrug*

/

todays sales have been HORRIBLE.

H O R R
I B L
E !

dreababy

2008-12-20T22:31:00.003+08:00

has a new hair do.
sorry to those who missed the Vidal Sassoon edition.
it's Tony & Guy this time.
(academy of course...)

2008-12-17T06:08:00.006+08:00

Two days ago (monday)
I celebrated my 3rd of September-21st birthday!
the hosts were none other than my three best girlfriends; Alicia (lish), Grace (gracie) & Menreet (reet).

I STILL HATE SURPRISES! and i think that stands to mean ZERO to the likes of these three...
buttttt i think that my nerves are starting to harden up since getting to know you three as a band of brothers... haha

(rewind)
last year for my 20th birthday, they cahoot-ed with Elie and Em in throwing a surprise party for me at tp (in my canteen no less.. omg. faint! haha) and that one was a really loop thrown! (the initial shock didnt have time at all to wear off because they started singing 'Happy Birthday!!' really loudly in the centre of my [small-everyone-knows-everyone] canteen!)

(fast-forward)
and here we stand today (well for me, three days later -muchos sorries girls!) with the theme of 'Lets Surprise this surprise-Hating Girl' an ever present...

(scenario prelude)
some time last week, lish msg'd to ask if i was free for lunch on monday.
definately! say, 2pm?
then by mid week, gracie was ending off sms msg's with, 'see you at lunch this monday!'
hmm lish must have mentioned...; yup see you babe!!

monday rolls round and my colleague is arranging the lunch break timings.

(scenario)
she calls the bag bar person and asks what time she wanted to be relieved.
the reply was 2pm.
alamak!
12 different numbers on the face of time to choose (okay just 4 in our case) and you Have to choose the same one as me.. k nvrrrrm.
when my senior colleague puts down the phone and says, okay so you go at like, 1 or 3 can?
a bit of a No Choice now isnt it?
(but i do love my colleagues so erase the Negative tone you might have made my voice sound in your head... haha)
so i immediately call lish.
it takes a while before the call is answered so i start to worry that my senior colleague might have to rearrange the break timings.
then lish answers.

lish: hey!
db: hey babe, sorry, do you think we can lunch at 1 instead?
lish: one aaah.. hmm. one... 1.30 can?
db: hmm..
lish: or a bit earlier than that?
db: ya okay! grace is coming too right?
lish: mmm.. ya.. she is..
db: why you mmm ah? say leh!
lish: you'll see later la.
db: say now!!
lish: you'll see later laaa.
db: okay okay..see you later then!

db - gcee convo

gc: hello!
db: hey babe! do you think we can meet for lunch earlier? like about 1?
gc: uh.. one ah.. hmm. 1.30 can?
db: can earlier a bit?
gc: 1.15?
db: okay cool! thanks hun! eyh babe ah, is there anything you wana tell me?
gc: ha? no! why?
db: no la, cuz i called lish to arrange the lunch timing right and when i said you were joining too she kinda went... uh ya... you'll see later la.
gc: ha?! no laaa... i'm still on my bed!
db: haha... okay okay then... wonder what she meant. k la, see you later!

between then and meeting them, lish msg'd to ask what i felt like having.
i said soup spoon? or anything really because i was flexi.
she then replied asking about Thai express instead because she had a tomyum craving.
i said sure!
she said she'd let grace know.

(;

then lish calls to say that she'd arrived and that she would meet me at thai express so that they could get a place.
>sure thing!

i race down to meet them.
as i round the corner to thai express, the look on gracie's face was PRICELESS! hahaha
it was the 'OH FUCKSHITSHITSHIT' -look.
she turned to menreet and lish and i'm sure said that to them. haha
lish was stifling laughter whilst reet refused to turn around to see me. haha. in a bid to conceal the large box jutting out on either side in front of her. haha

from afar, i could Sense something. between gracie's 'Shitshit!' expression and the fact that there were two huge boxes between them, i smelt something up.
as i got nearer, i told them i needed to draw money to which grace's reply was, 'GO! yes go! dont come back so quick okay?' -haha

when i was standing in line for money, i kept thinking.. 'hmm i'm not detesting surprises as much as i use to.' haha
i got back to them and the three of them kept talking over each other, in a bid to distract me from the Ever distractingly loud bling bling of the wrapping paper around the box! haha.
and then reet tried to throw me off by saying something about the box not being for me... haha. sigh... you guys are so hilarious!

we get seated and then their hands are all over the place as grace and reet start moving away the cutlery on the table to one side so that they can slide the parcels up to me... lish is standing over them trying to retrieve the card that came along with it. finally she passes me the card and says to open it.

i open it and the words SURPRISE!!! greet me.
(:
i just have to stop and smile here...
between my reading it and absorbing and digesting the card's contents and the girls clamouring over each other to try and tell me the concept behind the gifts, everything was just flying way over my head!!
BUT i eventually understood.
21 presents for a 21yrs olds 21st birthday!
omg! you girls are just amazing!
the bomb you must have spent on me!

and the effort put into the surprise didnt stop there!
there was the charades that were marvelous as well!
it was explained to me that i was to open their three favourite gifts before all the rest.
BUT before that, i have to guess what is inside based on what was drawn on the outside!
i did pretty well with guessing the first few. but to be fair, the drawings are pretty acurate! your drawing skills are good reet! dont let them tell you otherwise! (:

(pictures will be taken and then put up soon!)

you girls mean so much to me. sometimes i fear you girls dont know that becuase i never seem to hand out the same type of love.
i hope to never forget your acts of enthusiasm and spontaneity and optimism and the way you regard life with such zest.
and to never forget the acts of love showered upon me.

xx drea

>i went to watch Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs last night.
it was Brilliant -Sheer Brilliance!
i highly recommend it. to children, young adults and adults alike!
they had something for everyone!
GOOO.WATCH.IT!

i felt such a popular person today...

2008-12-10T18:56:00.003+08:00

when normally the days here at work would have passed by uneventful and somewhat listlessly (apart from my making eyes with the two security guards at Mui Mui diagonally across from us), i had not one but 2 visitors.

Miss tng tng would be my first visitor...
it was Such a pleasant surprise, i grabbed her and hugged her in the presence of a suddenly near full shop (doesn't it always appear to be the way? that when in the one rare occasion you should get a visitor, the whole place swarms with people... geez. it's like they're queueing up outside to get in only when they see her making for the store. the same thing happened with lish too! like a big band of people descended when she surprise visited me too! [Grace if you're reading this... you'll notice you're the only one who's not 'popped by' yet... haha]. we tried to cram as much updating as we could into that meagre 10mins worth of conversation, but i feel we managed to do the ten minutes it's full justice!

and then, not having even recovered from the shock of Tng's visitation, miss Kaur herself saunters past my store... most OBVIOUSly looking for me.
it takes her looking around to find me standing Outside the store OBVIOUSly waiting for her, to realise where my store was... haha
i later went for lunch (at hight tea timing) with her...
it felt nice and warming having someone to fill that one hour break with... no less that it was with menreet herself!
thanks for coming by babe!

i am genuinely in love with my gym and i would be in a most favourable position to recommend it to any and everyone interested in getting active about keeping fit. and i'm pleased that two of my best friends are interested! (;

i am sooooo done

2008-12-07T15:13:00.003+08:00

with being the middle person between parties of animosity.
i.am.so.done with getting the abrasions from the two parties rubbing off their du-lanness toward the other on me.
as a middle person who rarely lets on, i sustain the brutality silently.
I'm done. thank you, and do not look to me for help again. because if you do, you know i will oblige.
i hope you enjoyed the show. there will be No reruns.

new site spotted.

2008-11-27T17:25:00.004+08:00

http://www.booooooom.com/

click on the Free Encouragement box.
well, look through the site and Then click on the Free Encouragement box (:

i think it's time

2008-11-27T07:54:00.008+08:00

to revisit a theme in my blogging that i've not done in a while.
that of talking about my darling girlfriends and breaking down their personalities, and showing how they slot so nicely into my life, and shamelessly, i into theirs.
ps: i had a FUCKING bad churny tummy all through the night. and in the wee hours of the morning, had the runs.
i'm not going into work today.

i met up with alicia, grace and menreet last night for dinner at balestier hawker centre.
it was a very pleasant gathering.
one that served as a means of catching up. i wish i could say bonding too, but i think the mutual consent was that there wasnt too much of that.
a preclubbing meal doesnt set the right mood for that sort of thing. haha

i got there the earliest and sat and waiting -reading my book.
lish calls and says to meet on the outside.
all through reading and waiting for her and then again as i walked toward her turned back, my heart raced with... anxiety.
like, it's personally not really felt that long, yet, we've not seen each other in ages, what will she think of me? the changes about me?
and as i called out to her and we hugged, i felt that, what i'd been worried about, didnt matter. alicia's always this rock to me. ever patient, ever understanding and optimistic and encouraging.
i always feel so jealous that she seems to be so firm.
like, she doesnt seem plagued by constant thoughts of, 'omg, i'm so fat (like grace and i suffer from), or completely frivolous boyfriend rants that so many others might call on her shoulder for.
*shakes my head*, sigh, sometimes i wish that we could go back to a time when we were in secondary school, when everything seemed to just spin around us, and nothing else mattered.

gracie my darling next arrived at the scene.
having taken the wrong bus, she eventually took a cab which got caught in a jam and cost-ed her nearly 10bucks to get from around the block to where we were. poor dear.
we saw her from across the road, and i started waving hysterically.
alicia said she wouldnt notice, but she did!! (:
she came over we exchanged hugs and she launched her spiel of how tedious the journey there was.
i listened to her, fully attentive and concentrating on her story, yet a little away in self thought -gracie has always been such an angel. her patience supercedes any one living person that i know. her tenacity and resilience toward uncompromising people is inhumane!
and i smiled to myself knowing that nothing had changed.
she can take the wrong bus, forget to tap out on the bus, be nearly wrung dry from the taxi meter and still deliver it all, with a saintly exasperated tone, ending with a light 'aiyah'.

and then enters left stage, miss menreet kaur.
my dear punjabi princess herself.
and rightly crowned for she sauntered in some... 2 hours late! -having only woken up when alicia called her at about 5.20ish!
before all, Congratulations!
when alicia told me your grades, i just kept going, 'what's her problem ah?.. omg.... what Is her problem??!?!?!?' -haha
babe, i bow to you man. those are some impressive moves you've got there!
i think to even attempt to master such dizzying heights of intellectual greatness, would cause my head to spin for months after (the attempt).
and a second congratulations on how SPECTACULAR you look!
it was then and there, and then again when i reflected on our meal together on my way home, that it felt that it had been a long time since we met. and on the bus, my mind started to wander to the future, and when we might next meet if i do get accepted. and what we would look like then.
but anyway, to talk about the present, and the yesterday...
it was when menreet came that, i felt the distance. of time and space that had passed through the vacuum between us. i think for me, the most significant was how, uninhibited we were with each other suddenly.
filler> whenever menreet and i meet up again. even if it's meeting after having met just 2 days ago, there would be this unspoken awkwardness about us. we'd admitted the feeling being mutual many a times, with the awkwardness still present the next time we met.
this time was different though.
i'm not sure if i've analysed this right, but this is what i feel:

menreet, i'm not sure if you were sensitive about your figure before, but you definately do not have to be sensitive now!
but to sum up how i sometimes felt when i was meeting you those last times, was that i was very worried about my figure and what you might think.
and because you're somewhat afraid of my temper,
you withhold comments, which could have Nothing to do about the way i look,
but because you tread so cautiously around me without saying things,
i get very sensitive and effected by your choice to refrain from doing so.
haha.

complex huh?
but that's to sum up the way i would feel whenever we would meet in the past.
so, lets try to be as frank as possible.
our meet up yesterday felt, so fresh! like we'd been released from the constraints of our shadows.

I think that, well, myself at least, am at a stage where, things are changing.
whether it's the way i look, or my outlook to life. things have shifted, things are shifting.
my focus has been channelled elsewhere.
when once i use to be obsessed with the way i look, to the extent of eating disorders, i have taken a much healthier approach, one i dont know why i didnt use before.
a part of me has changed. whether through the trip or not (probably aided by the trip at least), my mind, body and soul has been stretched open.
i dont feel smothered being home.
i dont yearn to be back in london.
i am just, here. now.

I realise I missed

2008-11-26T15:14:00.002+08:00

the trustworthiness and safety of my homeland.

As i sit in the AMK library, the dude opposite me, with his laptop and other personal belongings strewn all over the place, just left his stuff and upped and left... presumably to be back of course.
here we have a breed different from my own.
i would at least have asked him to help me jaga my stuff before i walked off.
i feel he took advantage of me ):

but i love it!
the securty... the reliability of people to not come along and make a run with all your stuff...
of course to be cynical, i'd say it's because singapore is made up of a country of tattletales.
people who cant keep a secret. so it would be expected that if he returned to find no computer, the people around us would tell him what went down.
BUT, that is a marginal point compared to the original point of this entry.
that we as a singapore people are just so trusting.
OR
complacent.
haha
it took me going away for a while and coming back to realise just How complacent we are with our things.

and now, i am about to do the same.
for my bladder is about to burst at its seams.

warm fuzzies!

2008-11-25T12:03:00.002+08:00

as i sit here... in the lending section of the national library, it feels as though i've never been away.
this library, although somewhat new, holds such fond memories for me. (:
aah and how i've missed wirelss@SG! (:

i took bus no. 133 from ang mo kio central here.
aaah. awakened is the undying excitement i have towards exploring new bus routes.
i was quite devastated when i quizzed myself on the plane ride on the way home, only to find that i hardly knew which bus routes went where! i for the life of me, couldnt even seem to remember which feeder bus no the bus right outside my block was! and there is Only one!
omg!

it's been about 3 days since i sent the email of my job application withdrawl to the singapore polo club.
i think it quite, i dont know, childish? can i be so bold as to say? that they couldnt even bite their pride and send a reply of acknowledging having received my email.
if they were borderline mature, they'd realise just how difficult it was for me to send such a weighted email!
how non empathetic of them! ):
i'm not going to elaborate on what the job entailed, why it is i chose to withdraw my application etc. i dont know... i guess these days, i've taken to blogging somewhat delayed. so the wrath within has had time to settle to embers.
sorry for all you who lust after my oh-so-catty paragraphs.
you'll have to catch me on a fresh-from-steamy/angered-episode. (:

mom's left on yet another trip.
this time she's in sabah with some IJ people.
i am pleased that despite being retired, my folks still keep themselves occupied.
granted, hardly enough to compare with most other retired folks, but they've been taking on more responsibilities of late.
helps keep the mind and muscles flexed!

have quite a few commitments of written nature to fulfill these days.
rather worried i wont be able to complete them all. |:

as i sit in front of the com...

2008-11-23T09:03:00.002+08:00

there are beads of sweat forming around my collar bone and back of neck which get so full i feel them rolling slowly down into my cleavage and down my spine. as Hot and Steamy as that might sound, it's making me damn du lan la.
no. fun.

i'm presently looking at the table lamp by the computer and hope as hell that no one finds out i broke its head when, twisting it around to get it to shine at a better angle, made it twist off completely. haha

i suddenly, split instantly felt a craving for going to malaysia to load up on cheap seafood. omg. delish!

i performed a Goliath of a task this morning.
feeling rather pleased about that!
i sensibly relocated my magazine hoard from above my wardrobe to the largely sentimental valued wooden shelve by my bed.
looking at the results, i am glowing with pride.
1.i'd been meaning to do it since... forever and ever.
2. i'm finally making headway to tidying up my room.
3.the fact that i've ceased to cease my life because of the possible job position at the polo club (i've drafted a decline letter should i suay suay get the job), has made my heart mind and soul errupt with excitment and happiness! and a sense of such... freedom!

speaking of freeedom, Gracie! Tattttttoooooo time! i have thoughts on my next design... yes. logically, along the lines of 'Freedom'...
Totally radically excited balls (of fire)!
hahahaha

hello everyone!

2008-11-22T15:45:00.001+08:00

I am finally back home. Yes, haha, finally.

voicing the sentiments felt by many who've been away for nearly the same duration as myself, i'm feeling somewhat disoriented.

much better today than a few days back. but still, disoriented all the same.

those nearest to me would know the reason why.
no, it's not because i think london rocks and singapore sucks, and i hate being back.
(singapore doesnt suck, even though london rocks mind you)
it's... personal. hahaha

anyway...

here i was, thinking i'd not been effected by jet lag, what with not sleeping on the plane at all, and then sleeping the night i got back.. but this morning's case would prove otherwise.
last night, i slept at about... 10pm.. fairly decent. but omg ): i woke up at 3am!
again, those nearest and dearest to me would know if it's one thing i HATE, it's rolling around in bed in an 'attempt to get back to sleep'.

sucked.
really sucked.

that aside,
i guess i'm finally kinda sliding into a familiar sequence and routine of things.

i dont want to elaborate on certain details. just yet.
dont worry, it's nothing drastic or what not (although, you do know i manage to dramatise the sheer description of a blade of grass to such heights and thus, wouldnt be wrong in thinking that when finally i disclose what it is i'm presently, withholding, it's quite... long winded and well, disheartening.. maybe. i cant claim to know for sure what you'll feel.) heh.

only if it matches my colour scheme... or is a series of outstanding photos...

2008-11-19T08:20:00.011+08:00

Elle Italia

and so, it finally comes to an end...

2008-11-19T07:41:00.006+08:00

I'm writing my very last post from London -59 Swinton Street, Kings Cross.

I return 3kg heavier (i think), and i dont mean my baggage. well i guess it can be considered baggage of a nature...
I return with a Vidal Sassoon haircut... which whilst I quite like, am fearful others wont appreciate.
I return to... what exactly, i cant quite pin point.

I've been away for so long on continuity, and at every corner of my being away, experiencing something new, i'm not sure my senses are ready for what is in store by returning to the monotony of singapore.
don't get me wrong. i am looking forward to seeing my family (the rest of it) again, to see my friends... but over and above all of that, to be able to hit the gym again. do not pity me!, for it is Not a sad thing to be excited about going back to being able to exercise.
but that aside, this entry is more about... reflecting on things...

I am very blessed to have had this opportunity to get away, explore europe, have time completely to myself to soak up the creativity of each place here in london. it will be something that i will talk about for a long time. bear with me when you've heard me recount something for the 100th millionth time.

Seeing you soon!

EEEEEEEEEWS! &...

2008-11-12T05:36:00.007+08:00

OH MY GOD.
friends, Miss Naked Beautiful.
if you havnt watched it... you're going to be in for SUCH a rude shock. (not that they're going to show this version on singapore tele)
this is 8pm television viewing for you here in london.
they showed people getting their boobs put in, eyes tightened and stomach sucked out.
and by put in, tightened and sucked out, i dont mean the hazy/cloudy little circular 'omission' over the gorry sections.
this was FULL ON. FULL BLOODY ON! as in... i.saw.them.cut.a.big.hole.the.size.of.a.fist.and.then.burn.through.the.
layer.of.muscle.and.fat.and.then.man.handle.a.gelly.ball.into.the.inscision.under.
her.original.boob. -full.on.
it was disgusting.
it was... in your face disgusting.

/ &

The Parents Association.
Question. where does the ' ' ' go?

for those of you who keep INsisting on placing the apostrophe before Every S, stop it.

parent's = parent IS
parents = parents' = plural of parent.

please people... ask yourself whether what you meant to say was plural... OR something IS.

2008-11-12T01:10:00.004+08:00

How cute is this?!
It's a door stopper!
OMG!

sigh.

2008-11-09T22:38:00.002+08:00

haih...
since the trip, i've had little or no capacity to accommodate others.
i'm short with them.
i feel flustered with self for agreeing to entertain them.
and i feel bad that in the end, the person has to withstand my heinous bitch-ness.

i'm ever so disappointed with myself because i am normally rather sociable. obliging, cooperative, complaisant even!...

i wish i was more true to myself in being able to say, 'No, i dont want to do that.' or 'sorry, i'd rather not go out with you.' etc...
why am i so empathetic?
why do i always Assume the emotions and reactions of others even though a percentage of me factors in the reality that the other might not feel that way at all!
most times i assume the other will react that way, because i would in their position.
i react a certain way, even before i've delivered the words i wanted to say to the other.
results in my not even telling the person how i feel.. and i end up feeling so.. annoyed, agonized and.. cramped...! yes... cramped and emotionally claustrophobic.

/

i had a telephone interview not long ago...
and i really really hope i dont get the job. because i know that should i, i'd feel obliged to accept it, and that would take away All my time from 1. applying for uni courses, 2. meeting up and spending time with family and friends, 3. freelance writing, 4. Exercising!!!. ):

aaand, i do sooo want to go to taiwan or china.. or hk! (:

*warning, Avenue Q spoiler.

2008-11-08T08:20:00.003+08:00

darn it...
it would seem that once again.. my mind is most active at night, and i feel most spurred to ... update my art and design absorbing brain with ... art and design ... stuff. Haha.

it would seem that everyday i stumble upon a new interesting and mentally engaging site to put up on my blog. and at the same time, realise that another one of my friends blog's seems to have been closed or not touched in ages... so much so that now i have a far longer list of 'Equally Random and Entertaining' -sites to visit than friends blogs! ):

i went to watch Avenue Q today!
it.was.fan.tas.tic!!
i wonder what version singapore gets to watch.
lets just say, i cant see the singapore government allowing sesame street puppets humping each other to be kept in the scene!
i really love how the puppeteers got into character!
initially when i saw them walk on stage holding their puppets (yes, so their body was in clear sight), i was momentarily disappointed.. thinking that i'll not be focussing on the puppets at all now and that it wasn't going to be at all good..*add spoilt brat pout here with arms akimbo and a princess stamp of my foot*
But how wrong i was!
the show was made all the better Because i could see the puppeteers.
the way their own explicit facial expressions made up for the inability of the puppet to do it on their own.
and the singing was.. Brilliant.
i feel a bit regrettable about not getting the programme because i cant commend the lead singers duly by mentioning their names here.. but gosh! the power in their lungs! spectacular!

guys, can i please please, pass on some movie titles that you're eyes must see, brain register and digest and emotions absorb and sensate.
1.The wind that shakes the barley
2.The lady in question (B&W)
3.9th Company (Russian) *****
4.Graveyard of Fireflies (Jap)
5.Night train to Munich (B&W)
6.The Woodlanders ****
7.Love is a many splendod thing (based on an autobiography written by a eurasian singaporean lady)

please you guys.
i rarely ask much of you.
these movies are only for your own good.
they do so much for the mind and body i cant begin to express the abysm with which the emotions find themselves, all swimming about with each other.

help! i'm a chinese but... dont talk to me in chinese please!

2008-11-07T06:37:00.002+08:00

Gosh!! it never fails to happen.. to me!! ):

today was... Great!
finally managed to get out and about and back to my regular daily walk to and from museum + museum schedule.
but i'll get to that later...
to the chinese incident.

so bernard (welcome welcome again to my adoptive city hnu! (:) arrived earlier than expected and expectedly, i was flustering over the fact that in fact, i would be the one to keep the other waiting.. (but actually i was early... 1 and a half hours early in fact! just sitting down to have coffee at the St Pancras starbucks) and as i rushed to make my way across the bustling station, i HAD to run into a helpless chinese girl.

[forgive the incorrect chinese han yu pin ying! haha.]
HelplessChineseGirl(HCG): ah qing wen! ni she zhong guo ren mah?
excuse me, are you from china?
me: (i was in such a frantic to find bernard that i dont actually know what made me realise she was talking to me... but it registered somehow) uh... wo shi chong xin jia po
i'm from singapore.

HCG: ouh. ni ke yi bang wo mah?
oh. do you think you could help me?
me: uuh.... wo xu yao yue peng you... *leaves the sentance hanging there for her to.. Get it..*
i'm due to meet a friend.

HCG: ni ke yi bang wo mah? wo shi gang gang lai ying guo.
can you help me please? i just got to england.
me: uh... ni shi yao qu na li?
where do you want to go?

HCG: wo shi yao qu (here she actually says the locations name in CHINESE!.. omg. help me..)
i want to go to ......
me: yao qu na li?
you want to go where?

she idiotically repeats it. alright fine.. she wasnt to know that when i asked her to repeat it wasnt because i didnt hear her the first time but was because i had NO idea what she was saying.
me: na li?
where?

HCG: wo shi yao qu kings cross
i need to get to kings cross
me: ze ke di fang shi kings cross.. ke shi ni bu shi yong underground... ni yao xang qu ran hou zhou you.
this is kings cross. but you're not using the underground. you need to go up then go right.

HCG: ni ke yi dai wo mah? *gives me this pitiful look*
can you take me there?
me: uh... *thinks: knn.. why me??! ): *
then i start motioning her up the stairs because between thinking she needed to head to the national rail station and the fact that it was rush hour traffic, we were partially getting swept upwards anyway. haha

me: *as we're walking up the stairs...* dui bu qi wo hua qu hen cha. xin jia po ren da hua qu fei chang cha!
sorry my chinese is so bad. singaporean's chinese is very poor.
HCG: oh ni shi xing jia po ren ah?
me: *what has she been hearing me say all this while?!!?*

when we get to the top, i tell her to just walk straight.
then she takes out the paper again and points to the location.

me: *reads through it...* ni shi yao qu zi li dui mah?
you want to go here right? *i point glasglow on her paper
HCG: dui.
correct
it then dawns on me that she has to make a connection to another station before catching the train from there. damn. wrong prior info then.

me: ni ke yi zhou.
you can walk
HCG: ke shi wo mai le ka
but i already bought the ticket

reads the ticket.

HCG: zhi ge ka shi *the chinese name for the destination*
this ticket will take me from euston to glasgow right?
me: dui
yes

then i tell her that again that it's walkable
then she asks something.. which i in my head registered as her asking whether she can take a means of transport there. though i didnt hear the word taxi nor bus in it... haha

me: *start explaining the directions to euston station*
HCG: *here she comes with her trying to get me to take her ALL the way there*
HEAVENS!

i walk her out of the station
as we're walking out, i try to make small talk... What a big mistake omg.

me: ni shi lai ying guo zhu hai shi ?
you're in london to live or?
HCG: dui wo shi lai zhu.
correct. i'm here to stay.

me: *in my Head i wanted to ask if she had relations... but of Course i didnt know what the collective word for that was... instead.. i asked..*. ni you mei you... uh... cousins zai zi li? noticing her difficulty... uh... ke ke jie jie?
do you have brothers and sisters here?
HCG: oh! wo you peng you.
i have friends here.

my god.. i ought not to have even tried!!

we finally get to outside.
me: ni zhi you zhi zou. da gai wu fen zhong yi ding hui dao.
you just have to walk straight. after about 5 mins you should be there.
HCG: wo zhi yao kao jing zi (damn i forgot what this 'this side of the road' is in chinese! haha)
so i just have to keep to this side of the road and i'll see the bus stop and then i just walk in right?

me: dui. yi ding hui kan dao
correct. you'll definately find it!
HCG: xie xie! (and i think she might have sent me some gods giving blessing.. but unfortunately it was in chinese so repeating it is Out of the question. hahaha)

it was EXRUCIATINGLY EXHAUSTING! OMG!

Crash.

2008-11-04T06:35:00.005+08:00

have you guys watched crash?

it's similar to babel in its interwoven stories and characters... but oh.my.god...

you know when you normally cry at movies.. it's the teary sort of cry... the.. -oh touched heartstring-moment.

but as i type this frantically during the break, i'm fighting the still falling tears.

i cried, a body shaking, heart strangled cry.

the type of cry that causes your breathing to suddenly cease remembering it's sequence.

i know i'll be waking up to four eye lids tomorrow morning as i so often do after a night of bawling... and as i recall the horrible social descriminting scenes of the movie, i am wondering if it was worth it.. but of course it was because at the base of it, the issues are real, the acting is so fantastic you harldy realise it's leading actors in it, the filming is on first glance, seemingly so ordinary but after thinking about it, obvious that there was much artistic direction involved in making it seem so part of ordinary life...

>>>movie resumes

i would be SCARED SHITLESS IF I STAYED IN THE STATES! OMG!

humanity humanity humanity...

question.

why do racial prejudices exist?

we're all the same person at the end of it all.

how i do hate feeling weak...

2008-11-02T22:44:00.004+08:00

it's one thing to be emotionally and mentally weak... but quite another to be physically weak.

and i hate it.

i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it I HATE IT!

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

on the very night that i posted the last entry (of whose content.. is appallingly mind and pointless. the words 'apa ini?' combined with a cringe crossed my mind as i reread it in the bright of day..), my worst fear transcended from literal body shivering nightmare into the waking of the dark interior of my aunt's apartment.

i've observed that there are two 'brains' housed within the cavity of our body.

one, the well publicized and commercially advertised one, that sits up in the 'lookout' tower (the head) and does all the scientifically proven 'thinking' and what have you... and there's the subconscious brain that i believe floats within the amoeba of every cell in our body.

in some respect i hold this second brain in higher regard because it can sense the body's emotional, mental and physical discomfort well before your conscious brain can.

the past few nights just before i'm made to wake up, my body is sent through tumultuous body jerking shivers and my mind plays trickery between semi waking and dreaming.

and then i wake up...

and realise...

low and behold! this isnt any better than the semi nightmare wakening that i just stepped out of.

now i have to deal with my subconscious battling my conscious mind in dealing with the reality that i need to throw up or face up to whatever unshowing ailments my battling body is going through.

///

gaaargh....

i hate feeling light headed and faint!

OHKAY... momentary selfpity over...

there are starving children and handicapped people in the world... a little barfing here and there wont kill me!

2008-11-01T03:26:00.013+08:00

hahaha.. there is Nothing like the

50 Biggest Selling boyband Tracks of the 90's

to get one through a bad bought of tummy bug..

we're now at no. 46

(with a whopping 200,000 singles sold!)

Backstreet boys.

- All i have to give.

Yes... Everyone together with me now...

but my love is all i have to give...

without you i dont think i could live...

i wish i could give the world to you...

your love is all i have to give...

but my love is allll i haaave tooo giiiiive

without you i donnnnt think iiiii coould livee

blah blah blah...

and then the moment in the song that we all wait to chime into...

(cue: the smaller dude with the sharp square jaw and slightly closely positioned eyes...:)

OHHHHHHH-HHHHHH-HHHHHHH-HHHHHH!!!...

without you i dont think... i could live!...

and because after editing this entry, i found that the lyrics just didnt provide the right amount of OOMPH,

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=fzG2uGVwucE

okay so come... share with me what warm fuzzy moments are trailing through the cavity of your brain now!

which boy or girl were you thinking of when you doodled that name into your history text book?

which boy or girl were you thinking of when you ran you're 2.4km.. (or how old were we when that was a hit?... maybe it was 1.6 then? haha)

>and now at no. 45 with 205, 000 singles sold is Take That (when robbie williams was still on board)

OH gracious!.. who permitted such outfits to be worn?

whether or not you're Take That..

whether or not your robbie williams! Heavens!

netting.. loose netting at that, worn over a cross between a kilt and pants. even though the entire outfit was a mix of my favourite colours -grey and black, it did Nothing!

and that was the single most long and boring introduction of a song if there ever was one!

aaah those were the days though eyh?

let me think..

it was my first

WAIT OMG!

>Boyzone

All that I need..

(at no. 44 (:)

now That one ... okay so lets go back to where i was..

what was it for me then?

i guess it was lower sec? and funny when i force myself to think about it, i cant seem to recall all the trails and tribulations that apparently haunted my teen hood... but oh trust me there were plenty! haha

being Andrea Fam... i'd choose to create emotional distraught out of air! haha

okay i think there might have been nicholas (the first bf.. HAHA only lish would really remember that one...) and...

and i dont know what else happened really!

just more boys i guess! haha... Oh lance tan the runner from st pats. heh.

my first obsession over a boy. haha

thankfully nothing came of that..

because boys are rotten rotten apples! ):

FUCK YOU WINDOWS VISTA

im fucking ill and i dont have the patience of my youth to tide me through constantly reediting this fucking blog post! KNN CCB...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

so as i was saying.. before vista so fucking rudely interrupted me...

i am (hopefully) at the tail end of this bad bought of a tummy bug.

i've tried to view this unfortunate twist of events in the 'typical girly girl' fashion and tried to excite myself with the aspect that i've been dealt a' heavenly hand' in the 'healthy weight loss' department... but i suspect the tom boy is far too prevalent in me...

i just dont see this 'bottom over bowl with head stuffed into plastic bag' look being one that Vogue global would subscribe to. heh

it's quite an.. interesting yet weird sensation at the same time - sitting on the toilet bowl and hearing the contents of my intestine churning round the corners.

the sound is akin to the that of contents being flushed down the pipes after flushing the toilet.. looks like the toilet system and that of the internals arnt very distant relations! heh

/as i sit there, hearing and feeling at the same time the contents channelling along, i imagine (from my faint recollection of my bio lessons because lets face it, apart from sitting up and paying attention during the REALLY important bits like the digestion chapter where we were made aware of the different zones that the food went through and then mentally wondered how much it would cost to close off the Stomach and Small Intestine zone altogether and the menstruation chapter where we needed to get down pat this whole, 'counting system' so we could REliably chart our cycles because we were *nudge nudge* coming of age after all! heh we couldnt Hardly remember all of it now could we?!) all the by products passing along this dark tunnel, only able to feel, as their sense of sight is suspended... feeling themselves slide and tumble over these folds (or as i quickly WWW'd it, Crypts for you knowledgeable bio majors out there... heh).

do you think by products have feelings?

do you think that their journey from the mouth all the way to the *nal is one of fear?

okay i have NO idea where i'm going with this.. HAHA

>No 7

(selling 645,000 singles!)

Savage Garden!!

-Truly madly deeply

oh man.. watching the guitarist again i'm wondering what ever happened to them?

>>>okay..

so they split and apparently Daniel is not gay and is happily married to that Hi-5 asian mixed girl..

darn it.. i wish i'd not found out he wasnt gay...

prepare for anticlimatism if there Ever was any!

>No 3

(selling 715,000 singles)

Hanson with

MMM bop

oh.

my.

god.

who on earth even understood what they were singing about??

how did they make it to the top three?!

if it was girls who were causing such outrageously sky rocketing figures it looks like we were all partially lesbian after all!

i reckon we'll see a come back from them ones their pocket money's run low.

>no 2

Take That

and at

>no 1

selling 1.1 MILLION singles

Boyzone

with...

drum roll....

No matter what

that's unfortunate..

i actually think this was one of their more crappy ones.

heh *shrug*

Good night!

!!!

2008-10-29T05:49:00.002+08:00

Omg get over it already!
-

i Love Film 4!
I could live my life watching films on this channel balls.

watching Hero now...
how do people come up with names like... Flying Snow and Broken Sward?
damn.. i wish i knew a mrtial art.
omg... tony leung... you're so f-ing gorgeous... BUT better because of the long hair. haha.

it's snowing here in london!
amazing...
mother nature is amazing!

2008-10-28T06:31:00.006+08:00

omg omg omg...

-1 degree c tomorrow night!

Aiyh yai yai yai yai!!!

i saw a person sprawled on the road today along holborn.

there were people surrounding her...

one man was holding on to her hand that was at a 90degree to her arm...

her waitross bags were laying strewn on the floor by her side.

i wasnt there when the incident took place, so for that moment, the images of what could have taken place were filling my brain..

i walked on by.

it's not that i didnt want to be of any help.

it was just that there were so many people around her already... trying to ... well, help.

and as i walked on, i passed a chinese chap on my side of the road which is quite some distance away from the scene, whom i heard announcing the street we were on to someone over the phone in a tone which could only indicate that he was telling some help crew to come quick quick.

and then i got thinking... how desperate are we nowadays to feel that we are Helping.

ordinary people wanting to feel suddenly herioc and special even for just one minute. -because i'll bet my bottoms dollar that the people closest to and hell!, maybe even the dude holding the unfortunate lady's hand had already called the necessary people/ authorities (with his free hand).

dont get me wrong!, i'm all for the common man or woman going out of their way to do the right thing.. to extend that helping hand and what not... but you know... it's such a fine line between doing things for the sake of others well being and doing things for your own saintly trip.

*shrug*

i dont know.

the question just hit me there and then as i walked past the chinese dude.

can i risk sounding totally unhumane and say i was momentarily disgusted with humanity.

just momentarily.

and then moment passed and walked on by...

2008-10-27T06:48:00.002+08:00

haha... with the internet so readily available... it sure feels like home already!
thankfully, the newly introduced wifi hasnt really been taking me away from the exterior provides of london... only reducing the amount of time i spend watching tv at night thats all (:

visited yeeyee today.
i realise, as social and PR as i am on a normal basis, i seem to lose my voice when thrown into... serious health related situations... funerals... bad breakups (okay so this doesnt really fall in the serious health relation situations category... well, it could if it was reaaaallly bad...), illness... i seem unable to offer much... sympathy. not that i'm indifferent to the situation. no. it's just that... i dont seem to be able to offer the type of nonstop motormouthing that i normally do. even if it's just to help take peoples mind off things, i dont seem to be able to contribute.
so i stood there at the foot of her bed, void of speech.
the usual bubbly / constantly-in-motion aunt of mine lay there... tired, nauseous and weak.
the usual witty cock spouting equally motor mouthed brit uncle sitting beside her bed... looking help and power -less.
his usual form of affection to my aunt -speaking in cock accented canto... ordering her to do this and that... being picky with everything (but in a humerous way and in his words 'just to Wind your aunt up a bit..') was replaced with real life physical affection.. he sayang'd her head... told her she'd be alright etc.
it was so touching.

We lose an hour here on this side of the globe ):
It got unhappily dark at 5pm today.
How unfriendly.

OH YES...

2008-10-25T20:25:00.003+08:00

all the while thinking that mom had already seen the tattoo and was just putting me through misery by not saying anything but Thinking things, today saw my wrist and asked, 'what's that?' -knowing what it was but wanting me to confirm suspicions...
i answered with a smile..
and we said at the same time...
me: but it's pretty no?
mom: it's permenant is it?

haha...
SO!
i can freely look into the lion and tiger images that i'm thinking of getting on my feet... (:

aaaaaand one last thing...

www.notcot.org

way cooooolness.

a Singaporean in London

2008-10-25T14:03:00.004+08:00

It is 7am at no.59 Swinton St. and i sit here... in my sleeping bag upstairs on the couch (because my folks have arrived and have taken refuge in the back room below) of my aunt and uncles humble abode...

The rest of the pack have all left for the hospital, accompanying my aunt as she prepares for her operation at 7am this morning... hmm.. now in fact.

There are so many things i want to say...
not related to my travels... no.
no, those things have long since passed... seeming such a figment of my imagination now..
and somehow, i wouldnt want to try and formulate it into words either...
and we all know i have my issues with putting up photos up on my blog..
so as selfish as this is going to sound/seem... the experiences on my travels shall remain mine only... well.. unless i decide i'll fancy a meet up with you, where all shall break lose.

I think that we woman are amazing...

We are picky... liking being the ones to choose their ideals... and being unimpressed by those that try and because are not our ideal, fail.

and yet... when we have done the raking out of leaves... we feel sorry for ourselves being suddenly vulnerable... exposed to the elements of reality.

as i am fairly certain he doesnt read my blog i dont mind disclosing the situation...

i guess it's role reversal.

where when he was interested i pushed him away... completely unaware of his intentions.. for lets face it, i had never come across a guy who approached things the way he did.

and at the same time, it was during the difficult period of my life with the deadly combination of anorexia+bulemia and jeremy.. so my total sense of reality and sanity was somewhat.. skewed. in fact it wasnt just skewed... it was... absent. i can safely say i look back at that period as a non-reality... a time suspended to let the fable that was that point in time, unfold.

anyway... so my normally keen intuition toward that type of thing was apparently suspended too and i didnt see it coming... and lets just say.. towards the end of things.. i was a right bitch.

i without even needing to harness it, saw all the powers of my IJ bitch persona collect her powers and unleash an unacceptable amount of hell upon the poor bloke.

and now... after the truth of the matter was revealed (his side... mine kept closely guarded to my bosom) here i was thinking that things could go back to normal...

how foolish i was to think that remotely possible.

how selfish i was to think that remotely possible.

i burned a person beyond words... a type of burn that's scarred the emotional membrane of him.

and here i am expecting ... receptivity from him when i come a calling.

i always confess things in writing because i hope that putting them in words will somehow let me see the folly of my ways... in the aching thinking of my everyday moments.

I wish i was the sort of person who didnt care.

Who could just turn away and forget about it.

Unfortunately... being virgo... guess it's as the stars would have it.

One sappy event after another huh? i can run to the ends of the earth but the sop episodes will always follow... they are after all my darkening shadow.

That aside though, i am loving life!!

haha... forget the episode above for a moment.. and truth be told, i've mastered the art of blowing things so far out of proportion, i cant hardly even see a thin perimeter around it...

London is Fantastic... amazingly fantastic...

i know you're use to seeing me put '!' behind everything... but imagine me just totally taken in awe of London that merely exclaiming woldnt do it justice.

i use to always want to come here to start life anew... and then when i came in july... i felt a bit... disappointed somehow... and i confessed that i probably wont want to start life here...

but now... i guess it's because i've gotten to go about things the way i want to without compromising my likes and wants so i'm thoroughly enjoying it the way the real me would want to.

and with that, i'm looking set to concrete plans on starting things here.

X your fingers for me!

aiyoh pai seh...

2008-07-24T01:58:00.002+08:00

sorry... i realise it was quite loser thick skin for my first entry to be one that talks about how we got picked up... k forgive me.. heh

it's 1921 here...

So today is our last day in london... before we really start our... 'self realisation' trip... having been here for 2 weeks now... sure it's been helluva load of fun... but we've been very much cocooned thanks to the overwhelming hospitality of my aunt and uncle.. a roof over our heads.. meals and transportation paid for... (wah lao... i always get the crap computer ah... the one i'm using now, the key pad is so frigging stiff, i have to bang down the keys macam some retarded kid in order for the words to come out... sianzzzzz), information on 'whats happening now' delivered right to us (thanks Goz (: )... i guess it's about time our self reliant trip finally started!

major happenings since our arrival in 'x3 to get SGD' -land.
1. Skin + Bones
http://www.moca.org/museum/exhibitiondetail.php?&id=370
amazing amazing amazing...
stef knows that i'm very long with my exhibition viewing... but i think it was after our very first exhibition (above) that she truly realised the extent of lengthiness that i can go through.. heh.
anyways,
this exhibition was brilliant.
combining fashion and architecture, this exhibition presented a nice surface showcase of major fashion and architctural designers and their works.
awakening the 'artsy' in me.. heh

2. Marriage of Figaro.
http://www.londonisfree.com/2008/05/bp_summer_big_screens_royal_opera_the_marriage_of_figaro.html
this was a truly wonderful night out.
the weather held herself (halleluja!) and was neither hot nor too overcast.
we invited a fellow couch surfer (at PRIMARK, can you imagine? haha.. primark is this TOTALLY PHENOMINAL shopping heaven aaaah. seriously. in a land of "x3", meeting this place was a dream come true! shopping was really maddening.. the size of the place, the number of people [world war army battalion-loads in numbers], the things on offer!... *gasp* anyways, we met this girl -Luiza when i was queuing to try on some clothes. she was behind me and basically asked if she could use my arm as a rack while she tried on stuff whilst waiting to get into the fitting room. haha. after chatting a bit, we eventually realised we were both couch surfers... and the rest is history. she's actually currently in amsterdam and hopes to meet up there. heh ) to attend it with us.
it was FREE! AND they gave us free blow up cushion seats to sit on along the steps at trafalgar.
you can read about it from the site i have up. but the hilarious thing was during the interval. we SERIOUSLY needed the toilet and literally RAN around looking for one... for those in the london geography know, we ran once round trafalgar itself then ran down the street and eventually used the loos in Charring cross station.
a whopping 30p ah! thats like... nearly SG$1 for the toilet ah!
thankfully it was clean at least!

okay folks.. i actually have quite a few more things to mention BUT im at the internet cafe and time's-a-running-out!
CHONG AH!

I HEART ALL!

20th July 2008 -One night in Soho.

2008-07-20T06:12:00.003+08:00

hello all.

it's been a while i know. and as i write about today's happenings, i'm already leaving out a shit load from the past 7 days that we've been here.

so...
i must start by recounting the most recent happening.
stef and i were chatted up by a group guys.
well they were a group of asian males (two hong kongers and one singaporean)... yeh i know nothing too 'wow OMG!!!' about that but i guess it's the whole flattery of being picked up.
and not in a dark club type thing either mind you!

it begins like this...
after walking about Charing cross street in search of promising second hand book stores, we decided (at 9pm) that we ought to settle down to a meal. (the sun sets unimaginably late here. we're always amazed when we check the time on our hp's. [btw, mine is still on SG time -because i like the link to home... AWW... no not really actually.]
not wanting to eat anything along the main road, we turned right when we saw a potentially bustling street. good call as we later find out it's Soho street! [gay central people! (: ]
Stockpot (which we hadnt heard anything about but we later find out is in Time Out -London's choice picks) seemed hopeful so we perched ourselves on a table along the pavement.

^the Internet cafe that i'm typing this from has a screen that is freaking off coloured.

i feel as though i'm looking through the lens of a colour blind...

okay getting side tracked here...

i ordered an ordinary lentil and leak soup and a not-half-bad grilled salmon while stef ordered a decent cold tomato soup and a (i'm not sure because i didnt really taste hers) unexciting pene with spicy sauce.

as the bill gets delivered, one of the chinese blokes (andrew) comes by...
scenario:
Andrew: Excuse me... i hope you dont find me too forward. but my singaporean friends and i were wondering if you guys wanted to head to a drink after this.
Me: You'll are singaporean? (dont know why i get so excited when i meet a fellow sg-ian)
Drew: no not me but my friend is.
Me: ah okay..
Me + Stef: *exchange worded glances such as 'uh okay... so what do you want to do?' and 'i dont know maaaan+shrug to each other'
Drew: aww come on. we probably wont ever see each other again!
Stef: we were thinking of getting some dessert after this actually...
Drew: oh you guys didnt have the dessert here? it's really good!
Me + Stef: Nope... *more unspoken weighted looks exchanged...
Drew: Well we can all go for a coffee?
ME + Stef: uh.... (okay i kinda forgot what we verbally exchanged here after our conversation via eyes) okay... ?
Drew: great. *heads off and mouths: Mai dan (canto for bill)

When he leaves, stef and i perform the whole typical gay girly laughter type thing to each other...
haha.
before long we're all making our way down the street to afters.
they were a pretty comfortable and easy bunch to get along with.
conversations ensued...
i guess when you meet people for the first time, that's generally the case.
getting to know each other's 411 etc.
the topics of conversation might bore some of you guys so i shant go into that (plus i cant shy away from the fact that right now, i dont really remember them. HAHA)... but i have to make a note somewhere (and why not here?) that this was one of the best tea's i've tasted in a long long while.

so there was Andrew, Ted, David and James (who joined us later)
two singaporeans (david [i think he's an Sg-er.] and ted) and two hongkies Andrew and James.
fun chaps all've them.

so that was the night's activities.

during the day...
we woke up soooosooo soooooo late today.
BUT whilst stef considers it a super slacker day because we only started out of the house at 3pm, i happen to think it was a good start to the day. because as we know, good solid after-clubbing sleep is hard to come by for me in singapore. so i was silently mega happy that we stoned out till so late (1pm -YES! ONE PEE EM! -i'm still so pleased with myself.. haha sad i know...)

(pics Might be up...

see if i'll twist my arm for you guys

and put up more

visually stimulating stuff for a change... heh.

but for sure,

i'll get to writing about That experience.

stef's clubbing secrets revealed here...

watch this space.

haha)

we felt that we ought to get down to some work
-note: work through out the next 4 months blog entry = our fashion blog.
having asked Guo Soon (the tenant who stays on the 4th floor of my aunt and uncle's place -also singaporean... nearly all of them are...), where would be the ideal spot to people watch, to which he suggested Camden Lock, we made our way there.

we walked to the end, then made a u-turn and headed to a cafe (pronounced here as caf here) to sit down and 'begin'.
we both agreed that whilst yes, it was an amazing place to people watch (we saw a noody man.. as in literally.. he was wearing a Borak swimming costume. the type that covers balls only), the droves of people kinda exceeded our observe+shoot (stef)and observe+note (myself) abilities.
nonetheless, we sat at pret-a-marge (i think that's it's spelling) and just soaked it up.
unluckily though, we had this super annoying chap, Ahmed, who worked in one of the stalls beside the cafe keep popping over to disturb us.
by disturb we mean he just poked fun with both of us sitting there snapping pictures.
more grossing...
apparently when i went to the loo, he told stef that i was very beautiful and that he would like to ask me out for a coffee..
Eeee-er
(at least stef's mongolian-china man who tried to pick her up in tesco was better looking... but i was standing outside the tesco freezing my tits off so my vision might have been impared a bit... haha -more to come on that... sometime... in the future... when i can next get to the net la...)
as we're about to leave, he comes over and this time he asks me whether i wanted to go for a drink...
i mentioned that if i was in the area again, i'd see.
to which he replied that it needn't be there (along Camen Lock), it could be along Oxford Street or something.
He asked for my number ( i quickly said i didnt bring my hp over on my travels) and instead, he wrote down his for me on a napkin (which i left in a fitting room in a store where i tried on some clothes not far down from the cafe)
why do i get all the creepy ones stef?
stef gets all the regular none freaky people, folks... unfair. totally unfair.

Alas,
What a... colourful day.
getting use to the weather here too...

Cheers Chaps!

my bags are packed i'm ready to go... dum dum dum... smtg smtg smtg..... So i'm Leaving On a jet plane... dont know when i'll be back again~

2008-07-10T12:22:00.004+08:00

so!
D-day has finally arrived!
a planning process that seemed to span over the age of time has suddenly come to a final close.
we fly of tonight!
i'm getting so excited just thinking about roaming about terminal 3.
how sad is that?

my bag looks generously filled.
what with taking local coffee and snacks up to the UK relations, i've not really got a lot of room for much else!
BUT trust my ever effective 'roll and squish' tactic to come to the rescue... it's amazing the no. of panties and socks you can stuff in places if you're really trained at it.. haha

if i had to admit to having One thing to really looking forward to when i'm there, it'd be this: wearing some neat clothes i think no one would judge you for. haha
i have this jump suit type thing which SCREAMED 'GLASTONBURY!!!' [http://www.style.com/trends/stylenotes/063008] into my face!
aside from that, i'm really not going with any expectations.
i've learnt that the higher you are the harder you fall. and i fall and scar so damned easily too!

as a side dish completely independent of this entry, unless you were with me when i visited her which is just you Justin, haha...
i swear to you, i love my ex course manager to itsy little bits!
she's been so supportive of this trip i'm on.. even passing me all her contacts with people in London for them to extend their hopsitality to me and show me around their campus.
it's like... all these people who possess the characteristic which sees them going out of their way to help others, are truly ones i look up to.
their selflessness is so inhumane it's scary!

still a number of things to get done before embarking on my journey of a lifetime.
1.pick up contacts
2.change money to euros (yes stef, i've still not done so Yet. haha dont worry. it shall be taken care of.)
3.i want to nap so that stef wont have to maybe side step a sleep deprived bitch at the airport later. (JUST KIDDIN STEF! -heh)
4.do a run through to make sure i've got Everything!!!
5.bathe change and get to the Singapore Changi Airport (:

probably my last entry till i arrive in london folks, so...
BON VOYAGE!

Nihon night at yew mei green.

2008-07-06T20:54:00.003+08:00

oooh...... all the gastric juices are singing its songs of heavenly bliss right at this point.

as a last family meal before i leave for the land of expensive asian food,
the family held an all japan food fair.

on the menu:
|seaweed, tofu miso soup.
|shishamo
|mentaiko unigiri,
|unigiri with bonito flakes
|ebico
|endamame
|octopus
|salmon, tuna and hamachi sashimi
|pickles
|japanese beef curry

with accompanying drinks of japanese green tea and sake (from japan and singapore!)
and desserts were adzuki and chestnut, adzuki coated in sugar and mochi.

my O my... my tummy is tired. haha

[]
as i sit in the computer room typing this out, the hustle and bustle of many people roaming around in the outside living and dining room can be heard ever clearly...

mom yells out:
'so do you'll want the stew?' (a tomato stew ready decanted into different tupperwares for the different home units)
it's warming to think that where the parents are, is where everyone convenes to catch up.
and the mother will always bestow parting gifts.
so... traditional -like.

three and a half months...
a lot is going to change i feel.
i hope my nieces will remember me when i come home!

about a year plus after its final showdown, people are still only just finding out...

2008-07-02T21:16:00.004+08:00

for the hundreth time, and i know not the last, i revealed a dark skeleton from one of my many closets...
Today, stefanie found out i had an eating disorder.
it came out as such a nonchalant thing only because:
1. it was quite a long time ago and
2. i guess, i'm pretty alright with revealing it so casually now.

i'm not ashamed of it. not anymore at least. and especially as it's not anything that i can obviously hide either...

its just something that you know.
...and you know that people dont.
memories are such powerful vessels.
as much as time and distance separates you from the moment of the incident, you cant ever truly run from the cavity of its memory.
i think that a part of me hopes to run off to the land of Big Ben and start everything anew. -shrugs- we'll see where the ship takes me...

|
BUT dont be fooled by that deceivingly sombre opening.. today was a Very productive day!
-travel insurance /check
-sing to pounds /check
-travellers cheques /check
-toiletries /half check

|
Stef-
mom asked at dinner in front of EVERYONE... 'So you're going to Ibiza?'
kat was sitting beside mom and both her mouth and her her huge bulging eyes went, 'ooh! are you??'
i went with the situation and just, didnt deny it.
she seems totally fine with it though!
so... well,.. i guess we wont have to do any heavy explaining should either of us wind up in any unexpected trouble there... haha!

as stef and i parted today i asked
'so when are we next meeting?'
stef: '.. i dont know, on the day of our flight?'

!!!!
this is really happening aint it?!?!

Day 1

2008-07-01T11:39:00.006+08:00

today marks the first day being unemployed once again.
i must say, it's not at all what i thought it might be like.
it honestly feels like any regular off day. and nothing more.
i guess there's something securing about being employed.
even if it is a part time job.
even if it is sales...
there's something reassuring about going the motions of the everyday monotony of life...
something reassuringly familiar...
anyways..
i'm ill. haha. again.
it would seem that i book mark every new phase of my life with an illness.
chicken pox la.. mild bronchitis la... now down with the flu. gee whizz..

/,
it never fails to come as a shock as to how many people view my blog.
i dont have one of those counter thingys.. although i did for a day and felt it was so thick somehow. (not that im saying it is the case for the rest of you who have that counter thingy.. nor am i now trying to be self-reedeeming.. k im going to quit while i'm marginally ahead...)
but apparently stef's counter jumped 500 after i put up the link to her blog on my site (i admit, i cant take full credit to that number increase for she is a rather reputed photographer in her own right, and has tons of connections..., but i'd like to think i might have had a bit of an infulence on that number!)... and i only just realised charl (alicia's friend since forever and ever and ever ago...) did too, after she said she'd only gotten through 3/4 of my valedictorian speech.
-i guess at the point that you're writing, you take it as such a personal thing.. like. 'this's just between you and me, dear diary.' and then all of a sudden, wham!, you realise that there're a lot more eyes honing in on your conversations with your blog than you realised!
i feel so... transparent.
just a random random, for a random blog.

/,
Alicia left yesterday.
i know it seems completely juvenile to have cried (yes i cried) especially as we're 21 this year(! for heavens sake!), and it really isnt forever and ever. just a meagre 4 months till her next break actually! same duration i'd be away, so i really dont know why i managed to let myself cry.
but if i had to "i gottcha back" to myself, i guess i could sum it up like this: despite our not meeting up 24/7, it was the security of knowing you could if you needed to. but now, well... you're still near to sg, just not near enough! heh

/,
if you must know why it is i dont feel like meeting up...
it's because somehow i have an inclination that you have an expectation of me.. and judging from the last time we met, that expectation was met with disappointment somewhat.
the line i hate the most, after 'can i ask you something?' and 'i have something to tell you' is, 'you've changed'.
dreadeds..

/.
die, mommy fam's 'booked' an appointment with me to 'discuss flight details and trip itinerary'... she found out about ibiza.
2 x extra die for me.
my meds are kicking in.
sayonara - till... whenever.

2008-06-29T09:08:00.003+08:00

Hello all!

my first official article.

http://www.designtaxi.com/features.jsp?id=100309

(:

/.
haiyaah.
Christian, christian... why like thaaat?

to alicia..

2008-06-23T22:28:00.005+08:00

.. of whom the phrase "best friend" seems such a discount.

the number of times i've said: You are my life line. You are my pillar...
it makes this time round seem so... ordinary..

[]
babe, you've always been there for me... it's going to seem so foreign and empty when you're over there.
i know we're all being so ridiculously emotional... we're big girls now... and then there's the whole, 'you only really miss something shit loads when it's gone'...

i know that we've drifted since secondary school.
not so much that there's an awkwardness when we meet or anything..
i guess sometimes though, we know that we've both changed, and because we've not really met up a lot physically, we're not sure what to expect.

but at the end of the day, at the core of it all, we're still the same lish and drea.. the naughty girls who cut class to lay on the beach in our bra and panties, the same two who always had the same opinions of teachers, who up to a certain unexpected point, were bad at the same subjects (then you had some chinese brain juice and went out and got yourself an A1 for chinese. you freak.) .

Babe, I think what we both feel is so uncertain and thus final, is the off chance that we might not see each other in a very very long while... whether i do come back to singapore... how long the gap between your coming back from australia and heading to NY will be...

Alicia Tan Yu Mei...
I'll miss you tons!!!!

ps. yes give me that address pronto! and yes will snail mail! you know how much i enjoy writing... [you're still the only one who can read my handwriting in the least delayed time -hehe].

To my departing Leo who is really a Virgo at heart...

2008-06-21T01:17:00.005+08:00

because you are a hybrid closet virgo and therefore we are so similar in characteristic traits...

\
Finally... after constant mentions of meeting up at something both you and i can call 'our kampung' we got our butts to Rail Mall; the little haven on our very cozy side of the island.

I'm writing this after a shower, a shower after a 4 hour odd detailed and personal conversation with my soon to depart little birdy, Gracie Chua.

Grace, it hit me when i came up and had that brief chat with my mom just how sad i am that you're leaving. All has been mentioned already in our extensive not-so-mini catch up but i have to say, i am going to miss you ever so much. despite our not really meeting up a lot, when we eventually do, it's as though our conversations touch on everything.
It's as though our star signs dominant characteristic trait of being 'Sensitive' has really helped in our total understanding of each other.
and i use the word 'Understanding' with every meaning it could possibly contain.

***

I'm glad that this was my send of to you tonight.
that it was one to one and very intimate.
no jostling with people for your attention.
not taking what is rightfully your parents time away from you to hug hug kiss kiss.

We parted very subconscious-emotionally.

Be safe on your travels and have a blast there babe.

it sinks in 5 notches again that after monday,
one of the dearest of my friends who happens to stay the nearest (too),
shall no longer be around.
you shall be utterly missed.

):

Blimey...

2008-06-18T07:29:00.002+08:00

I'd me such a terribly scary nightmare last night!
you know how, your dreams/nightmares can sometimes take on the form of what you'd experience/watched/encountered/thought about during the day of that day?... Yes well not long before i went to slumber land, i was watching the chronicles of narnia shorts on tv. and that made my dream evolve around it.

[]
basically chrissy and i were those animal things with bodies but hooves. not centaurs. the other things.. anyways, so we are those creatures. and we visit this grand house and pick up this little girl (in chris's Suzuki vitara) and i cant rem but i reckon we showed her around and also revealed our hooves to her... and she was initially scared but then eventually believed (as tykes easily do) and of course when she goes home, tells this to her father. he aint too happy about that for (of course) he doesnt believe it for a minute and thinks that chris and i are merely messing with her mind. so with our car parked in the drop off of their mansion, he comes out with a loaded riffle. so chris and i make for it... we're trying to get out of his estate but all these thick gates start closing and for some strange reason, there's construction going on so we have to weave in and out and then finally, we manage to make it to the main gate where someone else is waiting to turn onto the main road, we inch past her trying to get in front. as we go past, i try to mouth that it's "VERY URGENT! SO SOOOORRRRY!"

then i wake up.
and eat cereals as i type this.

/
CONGRATULATIONS EMILY! (:

26 days and counting down...

2008-06-15T09:54:00.002+08:00

It's hard to imagine that the folks are going to be back today.
they were apparently away (Japan.. for Everyone seems to be in japan nowadays...) for about 2 weeks but it's felt so much longer!
not meaning that i miss them terribly. no. it's actually going to take a bit of adjustment having them back.
no more walking around in just panties because, lets face it, even though paps is my flesh and blood, one has to display a certain amount of modest about the place..
then there's also going to be the forfeited 'own time own target' feel about the place;
den and i taking turns to do the laundry as and when we've free time.
den cooking the dinners and eating them when she wants, leaving me the rest when i get home and then i clean the pots and hob..
there's a sense of satisfaction about being able to complete the chores even though we're both working.
but when momma fam comes back, she's done the laundry by the time i'm awake.. she'll have cooked the dishes.
essentially, whilst i'm seemingly complaining about not wanting them back because i'm more responsible when they're gone, i ought to face up to the fact that i just take my mommy for granted sometimes...

\
had a good time out with tng and lish yesterday.
it's always so shocking how relaxed and myself i am around them.
i guess 8 years of friendship counts for something! (: (:

poor lish was a bit tense over her housing stuff as well as finding a suitable prezzy for papa tan for daddy's day.
tng and i were her body guards who exchanged, 'we normally just take him out to dinner'-lines. haha

Lish and i have gotten ourselves pretty stationery for our trips.
Hers for school, mine for Europe 2008.
I really hope i put it to good use. i have a tendency of not using things i find overly pretty. haha

`
When i re-read my entry... i realise how Flat i seem to sound.
totally unimaginably unpsyched..
Let this be know, that was a false facade.. (was that a redundant pairing of words? false facade... because a facade already means its false... anyways...)

i am TOTALLY psyched about it!

Stef already knows what she's wearing to our huge birthday bash in ibiza!
i reckon i'll wear shorts and a sheer top over a bikini.. Shits! the thought of what i'm wearing on this trip is just tooo much to bear!
Morocco, Croatia, Istanbul and Bulgaria are totally new places for me.. so i'm rather excited about them more because i'm very unsure of what to expect!
I hate being limited by weight. Shoes alone i feel like taking about 4-5 pairs! ):
we're thinking of renting bicycles in amsterdam and cycling everywhere.. save cost and fit in a semblance of exercise where we can. haha
i'm honestly, really darn psyched about london actually. something familiar yet.. foreign. i guess i'm thinking i wont be so stressed out there.. but we'll see. i'm a natural bundle of nerves any which way... heh

[]
Bernard has fallen for jo!
sometimes, The One is right before you right from the beginning of your journey through the bumpy path of life. (:

alright fine...

2008-06-14T08:58:00.002+08:00

fine.

i feel a bit of a cheater for that.. haha.

so i shall fill in the gabs since entries between.

have been working part time. and it's been great!
the environment is good (being surrounded by purdy purdy clothes! divine!) and the staff are pretty easy to get along with!
whilst the first few weeks were trying because i would come home with my feet so sore and achy that even when im lying in bed, it takes a while to fall into slumber because of...
those weeks were pretty bad also because of my adjusting to the environment too... obviously things are going to seem boring the first few weeks.. but now that i'm well accustomed to the places, i kinda go about keeping myself occupied.
steaming stuff, unpacking suitor bags.. stacking the paper bags.
but of course the ideal if for customers to come. the hours can really fly by. we're talking about, people willing to part with 10G's here.
*fitting rooms dont have 'XX max no of pieces' signs hanging by them.
*every customer has a staff waiting outside their curton for any whim they might have.
*tea and chocs are served too!
all in all, this experience albeit not the quickest way to earn money, has been a rewarding one!

apart from that, stef and i have put the wheels on our trip into motion!
We're leaving for london on the 11th of July at 0320.
Planned arrival back in singapore is 30th Oct some time.. heh
on our agenda:
London
Amsterdam
Paris
Barcelona
Ibiza
Morocco
Milan
Venice
Rome
Croatia
Athens
Crete
Istanbul
Bulgaria
back to london where we fly home sweet home.

i'm utterly excited on what i'm going to see..what i'm going to buy..what i'm going to wear when there!!!!
but above all, i'm nervous about.. what i'm going to take away from the trip...
my means of documenting.. i dont want to settle for it being just a travel blog (which yes, stef and i are planning to devote entirely to our travel adventures [watch this space]) i hope to be able to.. interview people... or get something from these places to aid me in my writings..
So many hopes.. Lets finally try to make something happen for a change eyh?

28 days and counting down (:

for she is lazy lazy...

2008-06-14T08:53:00.002+08:00

i normally never direct people to other blogs to feed off them for information..

BUT stefanie has so aptly summed up our mini getaway from our long-oh-so-stressful big getaway...

http://o0stefanieg0o.blogspot.com/

for one leg of about 18 of our long and windy road...

My Valedictorian Speech... (slightly abridged version -sans introduction to guest of honour and guest...)

2008-05-24T10:48:00.012+08:00

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry i could not travel both
And be on traveler, long i stood
And looked down one as far as i could
To where it bent in the undergrowth

Robert Frost

Graduates, Ladies and Gentlemen, Good evening!

I stand before you today, not so much as valedictorian, but as a representative. A representative of the boisterous batch of graduating pupils present with us today!

Congratulations! Today, we are graduated!

Like the excerpt of Robert Frost's poem I just recited, we stand here today at cross roads. some of us feeling a little bit lost and direction-less, others already knee-deep in the real-world type of work. Some of us waiting for that letter of notification, be it to serve the nation or to embark on a new chapter of their educational life.

For the majority of us, a good part of our maturing teenage life was spent in TDS. Being a part of this family, has molded us to be who we are today. Wiser, stronger, more tenacious, more gregarious more open to advice and learning, maybe even caffeine addicts... whatever the trait, this school has let us soar as distinct TDS individuals.

It doesn't feel that long ago that we all first open our books to the TDS chapter. Pen's poised to start a new phase in our lives. Fresh faced, clean slates and bubbling with enthusiasm, the possibilities that the school had in store for us, as we for it, were endless!

I always reflected on my time in secondary school and felt that those were good days-carefree, ones of stability and security, I felt that no harm could come to me. It was a hasty claim to make, for since entering TDS doors, though there were disarming and nerve wrecking moments, I have been entitled to such a bundle of experiences, I have never witnessed such a wide array of emotions as I have in TDS -I feel that I have lived a brimming past three years.

I'm sure that for many of you, the transition from secondary school to polytechnic was not an easy one. I was not aware that I was feeling unsettled until, now I know I might stand on my own on this one, block teaching was implemented. It was as though suddenly a veil was removed from my eyes. All at once, I felt I was a stronger individual; I made friends that I have since shared so many memories with, and whom I shall treasure and hold close to my heart always -my grades were also faring better. overall, I started feeling more affirmed, more confident, more capable.

Along the way, either through being a part of the Student Ambassadors, or taking electives of other courses, my eyes were opened to the sea of other design genres, waking within me an inquisitive streak toward what they had to offer. Every new task we as ambassadors took, or new module I sat for, again saw me meeting and making new friends, like a family that never stops growing.

It feels as though our Diploma Show is such a long way behind us, just a disappearing glowing ebb now. But as i stop to reflect on the moments that it carried, I have to say, it's hard to imagine any future experience holding a candle to it!

Each graduand in our own way has a long list of people to thank today. I gathered together from different individuals from across the different courses lists of what it is we would like to show our appreciation for.

-Thank You Moses, Your numerous talks have created many a topic of conversation and bonding sessions among cohorts.

-A thank you to christine fong, and the other respective course managers, who throughout our three years have been parental figures to their courses; nurturing and guiding us on the right path.

-A shout out to Irene, Harvey, Carol and Vernon and the other treasured FYP lecturers, whether still with us today as full time staff, adjunct or having already left us, for being so patient, understanding and awarding us such generous grades.

-Our deepest gratitude to the lecturers who have taught us throughout these three years. Their invaluable lessons, the open mindedness and your accommodation of us, have helped create a better learning environment and without whom, this place might have seemed a hollow space.

-A round of applause to all the support staff. Jennifer, Wilsom Lim, Hassan, Lee, Eric and whomever else i might have failed to mention, our warmest gratitude toward your unwavering parenting affection. For putting up with our every demand, keeping cool and keep us sane when we are under pressure -working tirelessly with us and sometimes for us. Our graduating batch owes half of our grades to your selflessness. thank you so much!

-To our parents. Who believe in our capabilities even though they might not always understand what we are doing. who love and trust us enough to let us make our own decisions. Who support us, sometimes not only emotionally, but physically, turning up for all school activities and showcases. Thank you.

The list of thanks was long, and I've already narrowed it down! so please bear with me!...

-A warm thank you to the cleaning staff, who are ever cheerful despite the challenging job of keeping the entire school clean, but manage to, spotlessly!

-For the security guards who are never strict with us, and whom we always manage to squeeze another half and hour out of.

-For the unbelievably well stocked little book store of ours, for selling everything! -from printing ink to disposable undies!

-A shout out to the student unions who have created many wonderful camps, all of which have allowed for our small design family to grow through bonding.

-And finally, a hearty thank you to the design canteen! Whose food is hands down the best in the whole of TP!, and whose nutritious meals have helped fuel us through our years in TDS!

Alas, the end is always the beginning of something, and as we stand at the fringe of this end, we stand at the fringe of somethings beginning. As Andre Gide once said, 'Man cannot discover new oceans until he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.' Graduands of 2008, Sail! Sail and discover these new oceans!

Thank you."

>thank you to all who were so generous with their praise of my speech.
It was a great honour for me to stand up there and deliver it on behalf of our batch.
Good luck to all! (:

>>Kena suspect bronchitis so i have 2 day mc! big whoopiedoozies!
explains why i can blog...
if not i'd still be in my cave of a room after a mentally exhausting day of standing for 10hours straight. (no bloody jokes)

>>>Lish-Ah! when can i meet my bestie? whereforartthou? all good? sorry i didnt reply to your msg on your shit day. want to share? buzzzzz me. or text seeing as i shouldnt be exhausting my throat. haha

wow, what a mighty full day we just digested...

2008-05-12T22:01:00.006+08:00

the day started out... well.
i woke up early-ish and in a last bid attempt at backing up all the documents from Missy (my laptop) started burning my documents into millions of discs.
then just as i was burning one last disc, the entire screen turns blue and some... techtronic digitalized looking font appears before the whole thing turns off...

Okay. it's time to send you in darling. Today.

Missy's at the ECH (Expo Computer Hospital).

the process of getting her to the hospital was quite a traumatic one...
i misread the map...
i KNEW i should have just followed my gut instinct from the start..
and instead of it being a direct trip to expo.. we had to make a U-turn at terminal 2 before finally getting there.

okay point>
i take a shit load of pride in my sense of direction.
i blame the CB road directory for sapping my direction feng shui.

so i was rather traumatized that i got us soo off base.

combined that with my fathers deep breathing and withheld comments, which makes it Hell worse than when one actually comments because you're there just Waiting for it to erupt.
and then as he was mildly blaming me for it.. i let it rip... i told him:

'If we combined both of our knowledge of the east (he grew up in katong mind you) i think we would have been able to find it!'

later on he shoots ,'you'll be going on a long trip overseas.. you cant just claim you know where everything is. you have to plan! you cant just (here he jesticulates into some viturl expanse) know "Europe is over there whaaat"

after we battle it out a bit and i shed a few tears.. all is calm and we deposit Missy in IMB's TLC.

|||

we expect her discharged in 2-4 working days.
God speed of a recovery Missy!!
>blows a kiss...

Then to school for speech prac.
the lecturer in charge of me is a Right Hoot!
she's seriously a bubbly bundle of laughs. and its so contagious... fellow IJ girl... what can i say? (shrugs) hehe...
',
being in school is seriously.... watching all these young punks strut about.. no doubt we were all like that too and i cringe at the thought of what we must have looked like.. but as an alumni.. i've earned my stars and badges and the right to look at them and mentally go.. "ews".
actually the "ews" is to the fact that they stare at ME and think.. 'Unknown.. '
*gasp!* had they only known just Who they were passing judgement on!!!
they'd shudder at their own embarrassement! hahahaha

[]
Appointment at The Link.
i'm set to start working there part time come wednesday...
environment = people and ambience.. and that of The Link = Very nice! (:

///
tonight was a nice nuah session with Tng and Lish.
we were squished right to the back at sakae where we felt detached from civilisation. literally.
we had to stand up (we're already on a raised platform okay...) to get our food.
by standing up, we're standing over the conveyor belt and are literally shadowing the people on the otherside of the belt. haha.
to quote alicia, 'it looked BARBARIC!' hahahaha
we nuahed there for like.. ever.
seeing as no one was venturing that far in to tell us to get a move on either...
after which i felt so doted on as the two flawless Goregeous' aided my quest for better skin and took me facial care shopping.
sigh.. im going to try not to get my hopes up... ):

\
the bus ride home was.. as per normal. until.. the speedster of a bus uncle drove right pass my bus stop despite my havnig dinged the bell waaay in advance.
all this because he was on the furthest right lane. (okay there were only two lanes.. but he still missed my stop.. )
but like i told jon, TIBS is still my all time favourite bus company.
i gotcha back tibs! (does that clenched fist to chest gesture)

k... Nighty night, Loves of my life!!! (:

le'sigh

2008-05-11T10:28:00.003+08:00

I've never ever ever use the above phrase(?)
but i see it being used often by many.
can someone confirm with me whether or not it's simply the french-ied up version of 'Sigh..' ?

\\\

Anyway, assuming it is... it appropriately sums up the past week.
.

Yesterday marked the end of the first part time job (of many which i swore i would apply for to fund my trip...) i have had since the end of school.
it was a work stint for The Link's Bazaar.
standing for 10 hours straight is a lot more taxing than i imagined it to be.
my heels started to give way 7 hours into it every day for the 4 days i was working.
-i'd take walking 10 hours over standing for 10 hours any time.

ps>Thank you gracie darling for visiting!
although
i know you really came for the Chole bags and not for me..
hahaha!
but it was So good seeing you there! (:
\

On the very first day, it came as such a ... pleasant shock how drastically different the people at The Link are compared to Club21.

>emily dear...
i know by now you must be rather irritated
with my constant comparing
of the two multilable conglomorates,
but i just cant help it!

Club 21.. for its diverse frontages, would of course have many different types of characters working within its company.. but thats really just my polite way of saying, some people there are just Asses.
I never really knew much about The Link so i went in with an open mind.
The result is that its a company of Very pleasant people.
i observed, much to my disgust though, that all the staff there have ultra FLAWLESS complexions.
its really rather depressing... ):

,

The 3 days that em and i were working together, provided great opportunity for us to bond. (some more! even after 2.5 years of constant closeness.. hehe)

Thank you so much to raymond for the rides home!
i seriously might have fainted if not for them. (:

We talked about everything!... gossiped is the more appropriate word though. heh
whether it was the staff, our own common group of friends, the stock or the many big names that came to the bazaar.. the numerous topics created many 'inconspicuous mini gossip' sessions. hehe.

Elie!, you were much missed.
I hope all is well in Shanghai Land!

Oh and what a.. VERY coincidental coincidence!
on the very last day... Darren comes in with his mom.
His mom goes, 'oh you'll were school mates?'
to which i on reflection, quite unintentional- rudely laughed into her face...
how i met darren was on fb.
but actually first during a pop tart session.
his mom was quite a chatter... asking me (btw, i have never met her before. and for that matter, have only once said Hi to darren in zouk and again on fb..) whether she could get a greater discount through staff... aka, yours truly.
anyways darren and i get to casual talking.. and its then i realise how similarly observant we both are.
i happen to mention i saw his friends name as an intern in the Catalog magazine (+ chat on how he got the position blah blah..) and he also says he recognized emily from my pics.. haha.
right about then, and now -now, we're both sounding like stalkers because i have to emphasize again that we are less than acquaintences. heh
all the while im thinking that he's chatting to me whilst his mom makes the rounds around the racks... it's only when i happen to look over my shoulder that i realise, his mom was waiting for Him!
i apologize for her wait to which she says, 'It's alright.. it must have been a very interesting conversation!'

uh.. okay.
hahaha

knee-ways.. the last 4 days worth of standing for 40 hours have felt like i've been working nonstop since i ended school. its the standing i say.. and the lack of being out in the sunshine...

Happy Momma's day y'all!

2008-05-04T12:25:00.003+08:00

AAAAH!
my gosh!!!!!!!!
i'm watching Passport to Europe with Samantha Brown on 16 now...
and i am SOOO unbelievably.. uncontrollably... EXCITED!

I CANNOT WAIT TO GET ON WITH MY TRIP!

2008-05-04T09:47:00.002+08:00

I am awake at this moment..
every possible muscle in my body screaming like banshee being raped..
hmm haha, that did seem rather morbid didnt it? hahaha..
even my boobs hurt ah friends.. well that might be because my period is coming *shrugs*
\\\

I suspect it was my seizing muscles that caused the mad dreams i had last night.

the dream goes like this..

Lish and i were in a food court... and in our typical style, we left our bags to get our food.
i get back first and a lady asks if she can sit at our table.
'Sure'
she sits down opposite me...
later, her friend comes and sits down too.
i have a thing about people not asking if they can sit down before they lay themselves down and i was a bit irked that the lady didnt tell me her friend was coming.

(i know... right about now, if not already, i'm sounding some crazy woman.. haha)

the strangest thing was that they both sat beside each other one on each others left and right.. so they would be parallel to lish and i when lish gets back.
anyways... lish gets back and i *shrug* and give her an -i have No idea- look.
and then the dream jumps (seemingly back a bit in time) and im standing by the yong dao fu store asking where the kelp was.

hahaha.. okay at this point i'll explain that my folks LOVE buying this jap kelp thing from daiso.
and it's Divine! its one of those toppings that you can eat with anything.

so im standing at the YTF store and am screaming.. 'who took the kelp?'
then this couple've gay chaps, throw their hands up and say that they took the bowl to their table.
and then i start screaming across the food court, 'why the hell did you take it back to your table? how are other people going to eat it? that's so freaking selfish!!'
i realise i was a bit.. loopy there.. but hey its a dream! haha
and then all of a sudden, all the tables seem to be connected by some chain or something.. and a speed boat was pulling us along the sea.. kinda like wake boarding where one is dragged along.. sept the boat was lugging along all these food court tables and chairs...
and before i know it, im in the water.
hahaha

sigh. if only i knew how to decipher dreams.
it'd probably tell me i'm batty...

2008-05-03T23:10:00.002+08:00

Fuck me that im commitment phobic.
Fuck me with a triple word score that i am not a fling sort of person either.
Fuck me that i'm stuck in the middle.. in no mans land.. with nothing but these mind deafening thoughts!
Fuck.

\\\

Signed up for kick boxing and i went for my first lesson today!
it wasnt so much a Hi!-Yah! punching bag... type thing.. more a kick boxing aerobic lesson thing.
i am soooo going to ache like shyte tomorrow balls.
but!, Bring it ON!

oh physical pain.. its been a while since we last crossed paths!

-how i've missed you! (:

\\

spent the entire day with the folks.
i felt a secondary school girl again.
days when coming straight home was the thing to do.. and all meals were spent with them.

[]

At 2100 on the 2nd of April i message elie telling her that if she still wanted to go clubbing the day after (today), to let me know.

At 2300 on the 3rd of April, emily calls saying she's at the bottom of my block... threatening to turn into the condo.. and giving me 15 mins to get dressed to go.

Sorry girls! i was in my pj's with a tissue in one hand from the sad black and white movie i was watching with mommy dearest!
i LOVE you'll to itty bitty pieces i hope you'll know that! i may not have been physically there grooving to the beats with you... but i was there in spirit! (:

\

Question...

2008-05-02T11:27:00.004+08:00

\
I've recently been wondering...

'how does someone tell when they're .. not straight?'

before you go speculating... i shall clarify,
i am Completely straight...

i think in a way its harder for this lot to realise it and then admit it, than people admitting they have eating disorders.
this internal confusion... dont get me wrong, it's a confusing time when you have eating disorders.. but i think the thing about the awareness of not being straight is probably the denial aspect. the confusion of ones sexual orientation can, i feel, be a lot more impacting than the warped confusion of ones self image.

BUT i'm utterly and purely straight.. so i wont know. heh

(as you can tell, the L word has gotten me wondering somewhat... haha)

Good Afternoon Friday!

the dangers of the shady 'Private Number Calling'

2008-05-01T22:23:00.002+08:00

two words:
Dont Answer.
\

So i'm finally getting round to watching the remaining few episodes of SATC (i was left short a few episodes by my vcd importer but nothing to sweat about!) [and i have to love that i can watch it with my eldest sister. who is 17 years my senior. heh none of that judging shit... but then i guess, they knew when i was born, i'd be a reckless one...]

I remember mentioning somewhere a while back that the four leads remind me so much of the four of us.
and again, i just couldnt pin point who would play which character.
you take the four of them, add them together then divide by four and i guess that makes each of us.
Carrie is a real talker who well, sometimes talks about herself a lot which reminded me of me.. a bit narcissistic in that sense.. haha but then she's also such a central focus, which is kinda like lish. the glue amongst us.
then there's charlotte who's totally marriage and baby crazy... which screams Gracie! yet there are things she'd not do... like talking about masturbation and stuff... which is Hello Menreet... haha.
there's samantha whose well... hectic Social calander doesnt quite match any of ours... though i guess you could divide her by gracie and me... *snigger*
miranda is just the chilli padi.. which is quite like lish reet and myself...
and what's best is maranda and carrie... how the two are so.. like lish and i! hahaha
GOSH! okay enough of this...
aaah.. god bless the creater and writers of the show... (:

Anyway, just a random post for a random day...

OH but i have to say, toward the last few episodes of season 6, carries love interest Alaksanr or something like that, anyway his name is Mikhail Nikolaevitch, and he's a ballet dancer in real life. but the point is... he is SO FUGGING HOT!
he's my mothers age mind you! (which i think for a few of you out there, is probably your dads or grandparents age...)
HOT HOT HOT!

\
I think i'll try out wall climbing...

2008-04-23T22:00:00.008+08:00

Tracy Chapman sings Sing Hallelujah.

[_______________]

I've broken freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee y'all! (:

Monday:
woke up dark and early. before momma fam woke up and barred up the windows and doors preventing me from going out.
got home from my jog, bathed all before mommy fam woke up.

verdict:
Dreababy: marm-mee, okay fine, i'll stay at home today, but tomorrow i'm meeting the girls for lunch!
Momma Fam: *demands that i lift up my top and when i pull it only partially past my belly button, she proceeds to pull the t right up to the top* (sigh.. only a mothers love would allow one to possibly think to do that... geez)
no.. the scabs havnt fallen off yet!
DB: No cannot! we've already made arrangements! it's been so long since i saw them! (*wears a mixed desperate and exasperated look* what if they've fallen off by tomorrow?
MommaF: You're going to pick them all off today arnt you?
DB: Nooooo.

i picked them off..

and had a GREAT and much needed girly bonding (menreet's favourite phrase) session with the girls on tuesday! (:
it was a great meal. the company being the best bit but of course!
plaza sing was completely empty! and it really felt like the place consisted of just us. (:

aah, i didnt notice this till just, Happy 2 year anniversay to you www.dreafam.blogspot.com ! to many more detailed adventures!

2008-04-19T13:05:00.005+08:00

(PS: i just posted some vid's. but because it'll effect the alignment of my blog, i adjusted their post timing. AKA, scroll down for video's. hahaha)

Hopes and Fears...

2008-04-19T11:18:00.002+08:00

I have many hopes.. dreams... wishes... yearns...
but the bigger i dare hope, dream, wish and yearn, the bigger my fears and anxieties.

[]

Everyone's doing Some form of work.
If they're not actually already sitting behind a desk typing/ designing away, they're at least proactive in Finding a job.

I'm anxious yet not really.

Yes, the guilt of not working and brining some dough to the front door is making itself felt,
yet, the glowing thought of the trip has blanketed most of vision.

(PS stef: hello friend, when are we next meeting? okay my bad.. my pox.
next week?)

Thats not to say i regret deciding on this trip.
initially, i went on a whim.. really wanting this to be a carefree adventure, then my sisters aligned questions for me.. 'why are you going?'
it made me step back from the attraction of it, and wonder, 'Why am i going?'
for a while, i felt unsettled.
could it be that:
1. Stef's power of persuasion worked wonders on me and i was being swept along?
which led to
2. I have no head about what i'm doing. which set of the chain reaction thought:
'hun, you've no thought about what you're doing, Period. in life.. in your path following graduation... following this trip'
which led to
3. am i going on this trip to just buy time?
which led to
4. so where are you're senses in thinking spending a near 6.5k on a feathery trip is Okay?

[side note:
shane ward has Got to stop doing his music video's with women..
who the heck is he kidding?
his recent one: you hang up first,
he makes touching a woman look a foreign concept.
but you know, i could be wrong *shrugs*
-hahahahahaha]

But after letting the dust of the nervousness settle, I realise
1. No stef, you are in no way to blame. you never were. (that i know you know. and are probably wonder where on earth that came from...)
It was just a passing thought.. one to diverge the eventual blame and confusion within myself.
Everything happens for a reason..
Creative Writing.
That wasnt a co-incidence i think!
even though we only got a B grade. ?? (he's mad..)
And to have you on my team for this trip, I'd like to think that we compliment each other, but at the end of the day, i reckon i might hold you down, so i think, that it's My blessing.

2. True, i have no idea which path my feet might walk down.. and then, where that path might lead. but i think that part and parcel of the kind of 'non cookie cut type of life that i strive for', i have to dispel these inevitable fears and use them as allies.. (how ever way i can make that happen)

3. Am i going on this trip to buy time?
After much.. contemplating and reflecting, the answer is No.
this trip, is going to be one of.. self awareness.
this trip is going to be, if not an enlightening experience of self, an enlightening cultural experience.
If i dont go on this trip now, i may never ever get to. ever.
Not that that's a reason to go Now. but i feel, that this trip, is going to be a good, intermediate bookmark -after the chapter of Poly closes, and before the chapter of 'Job' opens.
This trip, might awaken my senses. make them more acute maybe.

4. Stef is so hardworking with getting some moolah for this trip.
i reckon that god feels:
"if you're not at least going to Get up off your bum bum to earn some money, and you seem to enjoy just Doing Nothing, then let me bestow unto you, food poisoning and chicken pox to tide you over."
works out i guess. this has translated to my really Not being able to find a job. *shrugs*
the question still begs,
"so spending so much eyh?"
Yup. i'm going to work my ass off when i get back. a trade off i'm more than willing to make.
(I've calculated, that'd be 4 months of working as a full time sales staff at cotton on.)

;

Mom asked, ' so are you going to visit the girls when they're in Australia?'
haha, mummy, i love you la.

[]

its raining entries today.. haha...

2008-04-19T09:00:00.000+08:00

Indeed i had to share the love

/

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

[]

2008-04-18T16:27:00.002+08:00

\

I'm sorry Miss E. i just dont know how to dig your songs!
your music vids are Fab. but i just cant follow the words that come outa your mouth.
i'm such an under-appreciator, i know.

-

i wanted to pen down two days back.. but mozilla did a flying monkey on me and went on a blink...

2008-04-18T09:36:00.003+08:00

A few nights back on muttons at midnight, they were punking some dude whose birthday fell the next day.
it was right hilarious balls my god!!
basically they called up.. asking the dude whether he was sporty and whether he took part in any track meets..
the guy was so cute..

***

he said: i had more than one CCA at that time so i didnt really focus on track, but i did take part in one .. uh... sorta like nationals or something.. Wings i think it was, and i came in 32nd position.

so cute! so honest! haha.

Muttons: mm okay.. because well we are looking for very tall athletes. Roughly whats your height?
Dude: uhm.. about 173, 174.
Muttons: aah okay.. do you have any other very tall atheletic friends? you see ah, because in the event that the Singapore flyer breaks down, we need very tall athletes to Push the flyer.

At this point i was laughing my freakin ass off!

Dude: ah okay.
Muttons: would you be free to do this?
Dude: when will it fall on?
Mutton: hopefully no one falls la. We dont want that to happen.

Me: HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Dude: no, like, when will it Fall on?
Mutton: Oh! well right now we're trying to fit into people shedule. so if you have more tall athletic friends, that would be good.
Dude: uhm okay.
Mutton: why dont you take down this number so that you can contact us to confirm. 66911-9-8-7. and ask for Muttons
Dude: wait i get a pen and paper. (rummage) 66 what?
Muttons: 66911-9-8-7
Dude: and ask for..
Muttons: Muttons..
they revealed shortly after..
i swear.. it was SOO funny. okay, if you're not laughing, it's because it falls on delivery oh-kay??

/

day 9 of my house arrest. Poor Aung San Su Kyi. how the hell has she done it for this long?!

I've not been making much of myself to be honest.
there's not much to be made of oneself at home.
I completed Heroes in 2 days.
no mean feat la honestly.
with hours and hours on hand, that seems the most efficient way to deplete them all.
if only i had a credit card. no no.. the mere thought is dangerous.
who knows what damage i could do?!
sigh but online shopping is so.. tempting...

-
Sent my first draft along to TAXI.
rather nervous to open my mailbox now.

^
My thoughts on situations (for what it's worth.. all 2 cents of it):
I am commitment phobic. haha.
i didnt want to admit it, because admitting i felt, deemed me a wuss.
at the same time, i didnt really think that was the issue.
okay it still might not just be. there are other factors.. i'm too independant.. and i hate what relationships cause me to become.
arguably it could be said that i've not found 'the one' *shrugs* whatever..
i am just not interested right now.

|||

The pox have dried over and are scabbing.. soon to fall off.
the face is, well.. scarred. but dont be imagining this inch deep knife wound across it or anything la.
it's just.. regular what could pass off as ex pimple scars. nothing im not use to.. *shrugs* what a canvas huh?

Long trip ahead of which i ought to be using endless amounts of time to be planning! (:

Welcome Pox...

2008-04-09T10:56:00.002+08:00

Well i might as well start off my 2 week house confinement with a blog entry right?

Here i was thinking i'd live to a ripe old age of 75, having seen more in my lifetime than 20 people combined might have, and died a painless death in my sleep -pox less.

;

Alas all that flew out the window as red dots marched onto the battle field that is my body and pitched their tents. and their reproductive machines seem to be working plenty efficiently as, as i speak, not only do i spot more springing up from nothingness but the ones that were already in existence are swelling to a rosy turgid pop-ability.

I am looking the part of a sick, defense and helpless, timid patient.
Glasses, socks, face smeared with calamine, eye pussy from a sty that has enlarged to a ripe honeydew size under my right eye and is ensuing gummy stuff, tucked under the thick heavy sheets of my duvet with my warm laptop resting atop my lap.

Nothing much has been going on in my life folks.
apart from serial, serial watching.
Gossip Girl, Greek, Cashmere Mafia, Gilmore Girls, The L word (which i am totally hooked on and am loving the fact that i'm taking forever to get through them.. means 1. my com is kinda slow with the dowloading and 2. it'll last me that much longer! (: )
Before having my laptop, the desk top never had a sound card which translated to Zero music.
imagine this... No songs.. No youtube... No serials...
Yes, looking at me now, it's hard to imagine i use to lead such a hard hard life.. but, i did... and i pulled through stronger than ever!.. hahah okay im rambling..
kneeways... arrrrrrghs... Itch overload!
k... control...

Yesterday i got a call from an unrecognisable number..
now, normally i'd not pick them up.
but a good thing i did!

the voice on the other end sounded uncannily like reet's so whilst i heard the words that were being relayed, i refused to believe them. in fact i was about to say, 'menreet is this a sick joke?'
but then the lady dropped words like, 'Your CM, Christine fong...' essentially things that reet'd not have been armed with..
-I've been shortlisted as Valedictorian!
(:

Do you know how many arrangements i've got to make thanks to this bought of ill fate??
you dont. so i will now elaborate..
1. i've to get a kind soul down to BBDC to top up my account so that come tomorrow, after they've marked me as ABSENT FOR TEST, i can book my next test date...
2. IF TAXI approves my covering the 13 photography showcase, i'll miss the opening weekend...
3. not being allowed out of house arrest for twoooooooooooooo weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeks! ):
look, it's my party and i'll cry if i want to...

my eyes are closing...

sorry folks... i changed my mind.

2008-03-31T07:52:00.008+08:00

winds of change.
no i didnt misplace my url or have a transparent board up..
i quite preferred my blog sans tag board.
dont worry for those that missed it's short 10 hour existence... the people tagging were only discussing the meaning of Life, The Universe and Everything (and were near solving it's mystery till i decided to pull the life from under the tag board's feet).

Singapore Paintball Novice Series 2008
Many Kudos' to award.
1. Red Lords!
i think that the whole novice paintball community (on this measly dot) has your name down pat.
and with good reason!... i hear about the numerous trainings and walk-the-fields and watched the fair play on the day and say, you guys jolly well deserve it!
Here's to many more wins!

2. Red dynasty and red sevens
thank you for organising yesterdays event!
there were hiccups and then the rain came and showered us with its blessings but i reckon all in all, it went off pretty well!

3. My stomach for not acting up.
there were some moments i suspect a demon looming in the corners of the crevices within the folds of the stomach lining but i got it under control. haha

[]

The day started out early.
i was due at the field the same time as during MR500 yet i dont know why i could wake up later and arrive well in time despite taking the train (took a cab the last time too).
got there... stoned a bit, walked to and fro a bit in a bid to look occupied and productive (because as Sben said 'i dont have anything for you' ): )... then without realising it, the first teams were being called to the field!

as i mentioned to a few who queried as to why i wasnt playing, i like playing sports! i love the team bonding, the team spirit the team camaraderie, the trainings even! i just do not like the competition aspect. i've had this stigma thing since young mommy says. like, i dont know how to showcase my potential during crucial moments when potential is being measured.
like the other day when i took subject 5.01 at bbdc (bukit batok driving centre), i had Zero idea there was to be a mock test!
so i drive... drive... and drive impeccably mind you! my low speed control was burning the flooooor man! S course, crank course, every bend and corner maneuvered so calculatingly well if i may say so... and then,

'okay, warmed up? ready for your mock test?'

***WHAAAAAAAAAAAT????????!?!??!??!?!?!?!!

and then what happens?.. (if you're a guy, do NOT scoff, because i'd like to see you do a very low speed control crank course...) for the first time in my entire period of being at bbdc, i mounted a damned curb. knn ccb. kena stunned by an electric rod by that. anywayssss.... i've veered completely off tangent.. so far into the woods i'm a bit lost now.

(looks for the dropped crumbs as clue to way back to original topic...)
AH yes!
BUT after watching the matches yesterday, the sliding, the hiding, the bunkering... OH man was that an orgasmic feeling!
"barrel on the starting frame.... ready for ten seconds warning..."
seriously... v. fun.
not that being in the TECH area wasnt mind you.
i enjoy being close to the players during the send off and receiving process.
kinda like how i enjoyed being boat holder during MR500; it's seeing the rowers/players off, giving them a reassuring smile and well- meant - laced Good luck wish.

Tech area.... aaaah tech area...
Mark played Such a significant part in my life yesterday...
i guess i'm willing to let his incessant irritation on me slide because he's still young yet; 2 years my junior? (could have fooled me with the small age gap...)
i have strong opinions and issues that i think most times i should just keep to myself... but talking to dear diary here just has too much of a confessing effect over me that i just have to spew my guts all over it's pristine pages...
so here it goes...

Common Sense / with-it-ness = 20% genetic, 20% environment, 60% pure innate.

these sort would die with me as a friend. i'd get sooooooooooooooo irked off by them that i would Claw them to bits.
i'm not sorry. that's just how i am... everyone has their idiosyncrasies.
'irritating people' are mine (amongst an ever growing list of others).

watching the way you guys laugh it off like water off a ducks back is really admirable.
that's something i like about guys... apart from their apparent dis-need of monthly bleeds, their ability to not let things fluster them or make them all sensitive, and their cool chill-out ways, it's how they just Dont care... they just Laugh off the small, medium and to some extent certain large things.

kkkkk, back to the programme (as Lben would say, Just Follow the Programme) haha
the games themselves were extremely varied. some VERY fast others... more timid, more relaxed. apologies on not being able to be more descriptive about the games, i was at the Tech area you see, doing my job. haha

OOH! do you know!, that one of the mother's of a player there is none other than..

STEPHANIE! lecturer from IMD/MOI, PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!
hahahaa

>justin lim, if you're reading this..
do you know i only saw her during rehearsals in the end?...
and then went, 'OH her!...'. haha
and heck!,
look she's popping up everywhere man!
cant hold her down! hahaha

Rain came and well... that just made sliding all the more fun to watch take place!...
i would have love to slid in that field then!
man it was amazing watching Kiko make that dive to the snake when they played an impromptu final, Final match. the spray he made over the people on the other side of the fence was tidal!
awe-Sum!

the day ended with Sun a blazin after her sensitive cousin, Rain purged herself, leaving us with a swamp to wade t0 and fro through during the pack up session.
which was pretty efficient.
i guess it helped that no one was in a whiny mood.
all it takes is One to start going, 'haaaaa?' or 'wah i'm SOOO tired' and it sets presidence for EVERYONE to start whining.. and if not saying so, feeling so.
heh

then when all was done for the day (and all straggling passerby's finally sent a packing) we just sat around and cocked about.
haha..hhahahahaaha.... sorry.. thinking about the 'warming up chicken wing', 'barrel on the starting frame' moments...
hhahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAhahahahaah..
laughter is contagious and i was just hearing tom, ben, jon and of course arthur's chorus of full- bodied laughter - the best sorta laughter.. haha.
sorry another random one.

k enough of this. bye!

she hears:
Rascal Flatts : God Bless The Broken Road
at the moment.

you're welcome, you itchy fingered readers...

2008-03-30T22:58:00.001+08:00

okay fine.....
start tagging again.
but i warn you, i wont refrain from taking it off again should 'Error 403 blah blah etc etc yadah yadah' sprout out again.

Fug you food poisoning.... low life critter...

2008-03-29T09:41:00.002+08:00

i do Not want to go into details on the dishes i had that launched me into a near 24 hour throw up and diarrhea fest... but i just have to say... it was bad. no.. it was Horrible.

started at 4am on friday morning and didnt quite let up till about 8pm.
what woke me up was definately the internal system lurching my brain awake.
since coming out of my problem, my brain's got a bit of a phobia of throwing up, even though it's a natural process, ie illness etc...
and initially, i thought it was just diarrhea but then something else felt off and i couldnt quite keep it down.

the scary thing was that every time i woke up, i'd throw up. and all i had the energy to do was sleep! so i would try not to fall asleep but invaribly do so, and wake up having to run to the loo.

it's been a horrible day and a half... made worse through the fact that the SFF (singapore fashion festival) people got back to me telling me that they could use me as a dresser at Ashley Isham's show,
TOOO-day...
sighs... bad timings.
and to top of the bad timings, we've all had to evacuate from yewmeigreen because they're redoing the flooring in the folks and living room. so i'm now perched at kat's place...
(but thanks kat kat for letting all of us descend upon you guys.)

on to brighter topics..
had a date with james at the national stadium on wednesday!
okay it wasnt a date, date... just an outing. but i got to thinking.. i think that sporting outing's as dates are really cool. heh

Singapore vs Lebanon.
we won 2 - nil!
although i swear without exaggeration that it could have been a final score of 7 - 1 (in fairness of them... heh)

discussions on our europe trip are underway! yayssssss!
(really stef, without your uber driven-ness, i'd still be lounging around doing a fraction of what you are.. heh.)
first official travel meeting was on tuesday.
borrowed two arm fulls of travel books and headed to hans where we ploughed through them,
listing down cities we want to visit and then reading aloud interesting and juicy facts on each... (:

paps seems to think it would be a lot easier getting a fashion related job in singapore. which essentially means he would rather me just go for a very very loooooong holiday.
guess it works out seeing as the travel holiday visa costs the sun and moon.

ps: finished watching gossip girls. cant wait for the new season!

ouchy!

2008-03-21T13:50:00.001+08:00

i've never ever before had to sustain the pain of cramps. till today.
alamak! i never quite understood why it was that people were doubled over.
as i sat through the stations of the cross, all i wanted to do was curl up into a little ball and hope to fall asleep and not wake up.